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Creationism

Evidence that the Earth is 6000 years old!!! Eat it scientists!

In the beginning, there was truthiness. And God saw it was good and began to expand the truthiness into an entire universe:

God created Adam and Eve who did some messed up stuff and got kicked out of Paradise.
Yadda yadda yadda, a bunch of years later, God created Stephen Colbert, and the world rejoiced.

Created PoliticiansEdit

Typical Caveman-Americans enjoying their God created day…

The following have recognized the that evolution lacks the factiness and truthiness an American needs. They know the scientists are conspiring with liberals.

Satan's CreationsEdit

Liberals want you to believe in the jewgic of evolution. They want you to believe that your grandparents were poo-flinging monkeys, and somehow you lost your tail, and hair, and the women grew amazing racks. Obviously, liberals have been reading too much (and by "reading too much", I of course mean "reading at all"). It is important to note, however, that liberals are not part of creation, but rather an insidious scheme of the devil. Liberals have also been known to chase women impregnanted with the God's supersperm with coathangers so to fulfill their jihads, or liberalistic views, that all of God's beautiful creatures must be destroyed. So, it can be fair to say, all liberals are creations of the devil. Sadly, the devil has pushed further (but only for a short time, it should be noted) and gotten all the liberals and homosexuals (read:sinners) to vote for Hussein Obama, the antichrist.

NOTESEdit

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from [National Center for Science Education]:

The Way It WorksEdit

About 6,000 years before Stephen was born, God created the world in six days. Many factonistas, communists, and liberals claim that there are two stories depicting how God made the world, and that they contradict each other, but they say this just only to make The Baby Jesus cry.

People and dinosaurs ("Jesus Horses") lived together. Anyone who has read The Bible or seen The Flintstones knows this, they are all in the first episode just to prove it.

The Genesis Edit

Bible Translated to Geek

18th March 3952BC Edit

On day one, God or The Intelligent Designer (IDer) initialized the heavens and the earth within the Matrix and set the time index value to 18th March 3952BC. The earth was unassigned and nulls were everywhere. Next, the default value 'WATER' was chosen and used throughout the matrix. Then, IDer entered the command "LET @THERE HYBRID-ARRAY; ASSIGN @THERE['LIGHT'] TRUE;" and the condition of 'LIGHT' was loaded into the earth. IDer then wrote a routine to cycled the value TRUE and FALSE through @THERE['LIGHT'] and bind @THERE['DARKNESS'] to the anti-condition of @THERE['LIGHT']. Finally, IDer give the alias of 'DAY' for true condition of 'LIGHT' in @THERE and 'NIGHT' for true condition of 'DARKNESS' in @THERE. [Gen 1:1-5]

19th March 3952BC Edit

On day two, Matrix's time index 19th March 3952BC, IDer entered the command, "LET @FIRMAMENT ASSOCIATIVE-ARRAY; ASSIGN @FIRMAMENT['LABEL'] 'HEAVEN'; ASSIGN $MIDST_OF_WATER LENGTH(@THERE); DIVIDE $MIDST_OF_WATER 2; ASSIGN @THERE[$MIDST_OF_WATER] @FIRMAMENT;" and divided the water with a firmament in the middle and gave the label 'HEAVEN' to the firmament. [Gen 1:6-8]

IDer then programmed the &RAIN routine into the Matrix with the intent to water the field of the earth before plants and herbs were installed on the earth. IDer then reassigned the 'MIST' value into @THERE to overwrite some of the 'WATER' value and trigger the &RAIN routine. [Gen 2:4-6]

20th March 3952BC Edit

On day three, Matrix's time index 20th March 3952BC, IDer programmed the whether for the Matrix and installed the Oceans, Skys, and Continents on the Earth. Next, IDer coded the DNA and RNA of Grass, Herbs, and Trees before installing them on Earth. [Gen 1:9-13]

21st March 3952BC Edit

Did you know...

God created the Earth before the Sun... so much for the Big Bang Theory.

On day four, Matrix's time index 21st March 3952BC, IDer programmed gravity for the Matrix and installed the Sun, the Moon, the other planets, and the Stars. [Gen 1:14-19]

I do believe this is a Heidi that I know!? Yes? Maya runs away? If I am coecrrt hello! I hope you are well and enjoying your life (in North Carolina?)! And thank you for your comment. It's nice to know you are enjoying my rantings and meanderings and the feedback is encouraging and always good to hear.Many blessings to you!Laura I do believe this is a Heidi that I know!? Yes? Maya runs away? If I am coecrrt hello! I hope you are well and enjoying your life (in North Carolina?)! And thank you for your comment. It's nice to know you are enjoying my rantings and meanderings and the feedback is encouraging and always good to hear.Many blessings to you!Laura

23rd March 3952BC Edit

All You Need To Know...

According to God's original blueprint, Man is supposed to be silicon-based lifeforms and not carbon-based lifeforms

On day six, Matrix's time index 23rd March 3952BC, IDer coded the DNA and RNA for the Mammalians, the Reptilians and the Insectoids and then installed them onto the Continents. [Gen 1:24-25] Afterward, IDer created Man from IDer's likeness with crystalline silica. IDer then provided Woman for the Man using spontaneous genetic modification by augmenting the Y-gene into another X-gene. Lastly, IDer installed Garden of Eden into the Matrix with all sorts of trees including a Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Freewill was installed on Man and a warning was given to Man against eating the forbidden fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. [Gen 1:29-30]

Why It Makes More Sense Than EvolutionEdit

Evolution says that we came from monkeys. Have you ever seen a monkey turn into a man? I know that I haven't. Ask a monkey, any monkey that you can find, whether he knows of any monkeys that became men, and I think we both know what the answer would be. This can be proved by The Planet of The Apes films, as at no point Does Charlto Hesto ever turn into a monkey, and its the men that are of a level of intelligence to control and use The Bomb.

Remember kids! The Bible has all the answers!

Bible Won!Edit

Every scientonista forgets that America won the Great Monkey Trial! Where's your evolution now loser?

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