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Corporations

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Corporations
helps Americans better understand
The Free Market
America thanks you, Corporations
Baby Jesus
FunSteve
Corporations
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!


Corporations are God's gift to an obscenely wealthy, infinitesimal portion of humanity. The corporate model serves as the basis for the free market economy that makes America the greatest country. Ever.

Thanks to the Supreme Court Corporations are legally people.

Corporations

Yikes! Keep your children indoors!

HistoryEdit

They initially started out as serving the public interest with projects for building national infrastructure, like railroads and canals in the 1600s, but then blossomed into being the frontline institutions for maximizing worker rights, wages, and freedoms to people around the world (until reformers and "watchdogs" ruin the fun). Thanks to them, even the ingrate Chinese factory workers that made your computer profit from $75/month salary and a relatively safe and clean work environment.

Qualities That Make Great Corporations!Edit

Mankind has been trying to understand corporations for 6,000 years and it hasn't been until recently that the six qualities that every corporation should have[1] were discovered.

Political influenceEdit

The biggest threat to America is the terrorizing effect that the over-politicization of every facet of American life brought on by liberalism. When corporations can have even just a tiny influence on politics, there is a chance to balance that unpatriotic, unChristian, America-hating, focus-group-dependent, socialistic, secular, science-based thinking.

DeregulationEdit

Regulations are when the government shackles a corporation. This is not a free market! Regulation is communism; deregulation is the opposite. American corporations can really only work with American-style freedoms. Deregulation allows corporations to dissolve the socialistic bonds which tie them to unions and free them to assume the powers that nature's God entitle them.

Short-term thinkingEdit

As things change rapidly in these computer-age times thinking in the short term just makes sense. Next subject.

FinancializationEdit

Everything is a commodity. Everyone knows this. Corporations can only be expected to sell their products or provide their services. They cannot be expected to sell commodities they do not produce or give advice about banking or lending. These kinds of things are best left to the financial experts who are well versed in the inner-workings of these types of things. Everyone knows this.

Profit over social useEdit

Profits are what make capitalism what it is, social use is socialism; nixo facto profits must be over social use.

In factiness socialism should never enter a monetary decision--ever!

Externalized costsEdit

Costs are a drag on every corporation. From employee salaries to healthcare to pensions, if corporations pay for these things there is less profit. When a corporation can find a way to get someone else to pay for these things (or not pay for them at all) it works out better for everyone: the corporation gets more profit and the employees can rest easier knowing they're not socialists.

FactoidsEdit

See AlsoEdit

Internets SourcesEdit

External TubesEdit

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