Condoleezza Rice
From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia
Condoleezza Rice is President George W. Bush's current black friend, having taken over the role previously held by Colin Powell.
She is said to frequent Republican, male-oriented outings with him (allegedly).
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[edit] Street Cred
Condi comes from a family with a strong background in civil rights. It's true; it's on the internets.
[edit] Sexuality Rumors
The rumors that Condi is engaged in an extramarital affair with Bestest President George W., are quite frankly insulting and untrue. Any person stating otherwise should be reported to local or federal authorities immediately.
And just so people wouldn't believe any of those rumors between Dr. Rice and The Greatest President EVER!, someone (no one knows who...) started another rumor but this one is about Dr. Rice bumpin' uglies with some Canadian!
Won't they ever leave this poor woman alone!? She is married to America, just like nuns are married to Jesus[1].
Ms. Rice's virility potent womanhood, also known as ballasity, has recently been put on full display once again, since she accidentally let it slip that she has been lusting after one of FOX's newsmen. The identity of the news-hunk has not been publicly disclosed, but rumor has it that it may be more than one man.[1]
[edit] 2008 GOP Presidential Hopeful
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| Coalition |
| of Black Friends |
Throughout the waning years of the Greatest Administration Ever, Republicans anxiously awaited Dr. Rice's ascension to her boss' job in 2008, and she would have been a much better choice for first black president than Barack Hussein Obama. For one thing, Obama is only half black, while Condi is 100% sistah; sounds like the Democrats wanted to keep the Oval Office as white as possible. For another, her track record as Secretary of State proves her worth as a good and loyal field hand soldier for Exxon Mobil democracy. Plus, who has bigger balls than a black Republican?
For all the racists out there who don't take on faith Dr. Rice's qualifications, here's a list:
- solved Lebanese-Jew Crisis by playing the piano.
- is not a neocon (this cannot be stressed enough)
- is an acceptably light shade of black (see above)
- is friendly (see above)
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is adoes her job as well as a man - is better than other diplomats (witness The 2006 ASEAN (Association of Southeast Asian Nations) Regional Forum, where she played piano instead of poking fun at herself, really, she's much too good for that, which btw...)
- much too good to poke fun at herself
- never had an oil tanker named after her
- is happily married and would bake cookies for her husband and children if it wasn't for her duty to her country
- has the most bitchin' hair style; all the girls in the 'hood want some of that
- has great taste in shoes
- has a supernatural ability to ascertain knowledge from memos just by touching them! For instance:
- she can tell what color ink it is written in
- she can tell if it is upside-down
- she can tell whether or not it is written in American
- she can tell if it is handwritten or typed
- she can file it like nobody's business
[edit] Her Groove
[edit] Attaining Her Groove
[edit] The Loss of Her Groove
[edit] Getting Her Groove Back
It is hoped that by hosting a climate change conference, Dr. Rice will restore her groove,perhaps Mr. Pickles can help.
[edit] Possible Second Groove-Loss
- Apparently, Dr. Rice was involved in some activities without wearing her Big Girl Panties.
No word yet on whether this will hinder her hold on her groove.
[edit] See Also
[edit] Footnotes
- ↑ It is well-known in Washington gossip circles that no single man could satisfy Ms. Rice.
