After a thorough examination, Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.
has diagnosed you as suffering from a case of
Colbert Nation/Wildmouse syndrome

A neurological problem in which the victim stalks and attempts to convert someone to a homosexual life style. Often the sufferer rams the same old joke into the ground for months at a time. Patients project their homosexual agendas on others while maintaining a secret stash of posts from their stalk-victims. The sufferer often denies their condition, yet continues to follow their victims around constantly bombarding them with homosexual propaganda. Inevitably, they become a living joke as their clichéd shtick is soon worn out. They become ridiculed in chat for their pathetic existence and become nothing more than a victim of their own obsessive homosexuality and social ineptitude