Christopher Hitchens
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Christopher "Hitch" Hitchens takes the long-standing truism that all British men are pansies and bends it over and gives it what-for!
With his booming voice, broad square shoulders and rugged, masculine facial features, Hitchens has transformed how Americans feel about British men: from effete girlie-men to mostly inaudible, straight-forward, no-holds-barred, take charge, but take no prisoners and sarcastically snide manliness with an extreme emphasis on straight.
Despite being manly, Mr. Hitchens is known for writing books and arguing what he meant in those books on TV.
Hitchens has his own satellite link-up so he can be interviewed at any time, day or night, as long as he isn't passed out drunk.
Hitchens is also known to Wax His own Pubes
Hitchens doesn't smell near as bad as one might think for a drunk of his caliber, more like cheap scotch filtered through an old gym sock.
The same can not be said for his American cousin.[1]
Contents |
"Wisdom" of The Hitchens
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* We must fight a Global War On Terror
* God doesn't exist and Jesus sucks.
* But Muslims suck more!
*
We should not be fighting a war in Iraq Iran
* Women aren't funny
* Bourbon if you can get it
* Vodka if not
* Freedom exists only for libertarians.
* Fat people suck.[2]
Hitch ControversiesEdit
Jerry FalwellEdit
After the Rev. Jerry Falwell was Raptured up to Heaven, Hitchens wrote an op-ed piece in which he had the bad taste to bring up Falwell's comments blaming women and gays for 9/11. As a longtime insider in the media, he should have known that mocking a dead person before the body is cold is only acceptable if you're John Gibson.
2008 endorsementEdit
When commenting on the 2008 election, Hitchens went to the final frontier of Going Rogueness: He endorsed Barack Obama. Not content to stop at pantsing the Red States, he then administered an atomic wedgie by insulting the candidates chosen by the Republican Party (and, by extension, God) to save America from being invaded by a Place Called Hope. He wrote in The Washington Post that John McCain is "suffering from an increasingly obvious and embarrassing deficit, both cognitive and physical", and called the Greatest Hockey Mom Ever "a national disgrace".[1] As if we need any more proof that the Brits are still mad about losing the Revolutionary War (which, not coincidentally, McCain served in).
Going to Hell or getting flabby?Edit
Hitchens is a well-known atheist, as well as an faux-intellectual who has written books (the damnation trifecta!) He is thusly going to Hell, along with anyone who has ever read or glanced at his work.
In 2011 God as usual got the last laugh when he gave Hitchens a terminal/pain filled form of cancer on that part of his body that Hitchens enjoyed using to give others pain.
No not his hands.
No not his small penis.
His voice you perverts!
Hitchens Invades HellEdit
He wont be missed, because he didn't believe in hell.
