Christianity

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Christianity
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!



Original Sin - one of several reasons so many people are forced to miss football.
All You Need To Know...

People that criticize Christians are actually racists that don't watch Fox News

The Infinite religion that lead to Jesus of Nazareth and his father, Life-giving God. Real Christians existed before Jesus was ever born cause they had the FAith to know it was the one TRUE religion. Adam & Eve were Christians before that damn talking snake turned them into UN-AMERICAN Liberals.

It is a scientifically-proven fact that Christianity is responsible for none of humankind's wars and conflicts -- to the contrary, Judaism and atheism are.

Contents

[edit] Dogma

We don't have to know anything about psychology or neurobiology or sociology or archeology or the second law of thermodynamics. We know this is true b/c we believe it, and by virtue of us also believing in God; you'll find our logic is quite flawless. then been said, we are empowered to shit on things we don't personally like. especially if we don't understand them. You see, our actions are justified b/c other people have the exact same beliefs . and how can so many people be wrong about something so simple as a dead white guy creating something from nothing . so, again, i think you'll find our logic is quite flawless .

[edit] History

Contrary to popular opinion, the Universe is not billions and billions of years old. It is merely 6,000 years old, it always has been and always will be. This was determined through a rigorous process of being told over and over. And you know the rest; six days of creation, then rest, then he got up and discovered those ungrateful brats ate an apple and ruined everything. But God being God knew that was going to happen (i guess) and sent his only son to be sacrificed for our sins. yes, the sacrificial lamp whose death was a rebirth for the rest of us, our sins washed away in the blood of the lamb so humanity could be redeemed and achieve salvation!!! Therefore our entire religion is based on the death of Jesus; the most noble and selfless acts in the history of mankind!! ...but then he came back to life after three days... so...

moving on...

[edit] Sins

Here's some sins you need to know about, cause obviously if you didn't believe you had sins this whole religion would be pointless and we all know that's not the case soooo...

Witchcraft.) B/c God possess magic it is blasphemy to use magic for yourself. So in the enlightened times of the dark ages when religion had the power of government, the Inquisition performed the nobel deed of killing witches in order to save their souls.


... well, let's just sum it up for you; if you enjoy something; it's a sin. That is to say, the thing you're enjoying and the very act of enjoying it is a sin. Jesus has a lot of work to do to. (see next section)

[edit] Future

When our merciful Lord and Saviour shows up to kill everyone it will be a blessed day indeed. All the marijuana crops will shrivel up and George Bush's Q rating will skyrocket once again.

if you're still unconvinced, i have a book here you should read, it's called, 'STFU & Do What I Say, Believe What I Say & Hate Who I Say The Way I Say To Do It' .



And in case you need an incentive to believe, think about it this way... if you believe what we tell you to believe and we're wrong; then all you've given up is your life savings and any kind of happiness we don't approve of or understand, AND THAT'S IT! But if you DON"T believe what we tell you to believe and we're RIGHT, then you'll be dead after you die. Did i mention our group won't die after we die? kinda puts everything into perspective, don't'cha think?

[edit] In Conclusion

Please God, save us from gay marriage, stem-cell research and universal healthcare.>> *aMen* Don't forget to wear your Nikes!

[edit] See Also

[edit] External Sources

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