You are full of crap!

~ Charlton Heston

Is this how it starts? A trip to the laughing academy? No, you silly bastard, it starts with you asking yourself silly questions. OK, let's get cleaned up.

~ Charlton Heston

What day is it, anyway? Monday? Huh? The hell it is. It's Sunday. Sunday I always dress for dinner!

~ Charlton Heston

They're making our food out of people. Next thing they'll be breeding us like cattle for food. You've gotta tell them. You've gotta tell them!.

~ Charlton Heston

Charlton Heston founded the NRA along with Jesus and Ted Nugent. He also parted the Red Sea to help the Jews in their flight from Egypt. And how did they repay him? They spawned liberal wisenheimer John Stewart. Damn you! God damn you all to hell!

Impressively, Charlton performed both these celebrated feats with his "cold dead hands".

Contents 1 Education 2 Hollywood Career 3 Work With Apes 4 Working For The NRA

EducationEdit

Like Stephen, Heston attended Northwestern University, where he studied acting, which back then was totally NOT a gay thing. He also minored in Women's studies...specifically, he studied how many beers it would take to get their shirts off.

Hollywood CareerEdit

Hi, Big Brother, how's your ass?

~ Charlton Heston

Heston moved to Hollywood in the 1950's (which back then was totally NOT a gay place). His star rose quickly as he had the two key assets to movie success: he had a deep voice and he looked good with his shirt off.

Work With ApesEdit

Get your paws off me, you damned, dirty ape!

~ Charlton Heston

Working For The NRAEdit

From my cold, dead hands!

~ Charlton Heston

In 2004 Heston stepped aside as spokesperson for the NRA.

Now that Mr Heston has died, Colbert is expected to be given his guns much the way he was given Captain America's shield.