Charles Darwin was a British atheist liberal nut-job, scientist and media whore. He lived back in the day, and decided he would go on a scientific exploration with his friend "Mary Jane" and discover something that would blow humanity's collective mind.
Some believe that his theories were the result of an hallucination that was caused when an iguana bit him in a very special part while he was doing his "research". The truthiness will never be known. But with his depraved mind anything is possible!
While in the Galapagos Islands he fell in love with a native monkey. After being bitch-slapped by common decency, he decided to change the world and save his new-found relationship by making beastiality seem a little less gross. So he tried to convince people that humans and monkeys are related and that we "evolved" from them.
After travelling back to England, Darwin began writing a series of books showing how his crackpot theory played out in his mind, and how his pagan gods told him that every man must have sex with monkeys in order to make the Baby Jesus cry.
These books of course have been proven to be completely false with a sprinkle of delicious Satan. These books were proven false by the knowledgeable Christian Scientists who can hear God speak to them personally.
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