Care Bears, long a deceptive and under-appreciated threat to America's national security, are not to be taken lightly. If you see one, report them to the authorities immediately!
What The Care Bears Really Care About Edit
They produce garish, poorly animated movies to simultaneously enthrall our children and induce chronic vomiting in adults. When they appear on your television you'd better cover the kid's eyes and grab a bucket, because dinner's about to go into reverse!
Notable Care Bears Edit
Strangely, almost all the Care Bears are female, and it's probable they reproduce by siphoning off sperm from bear abortion clinics. One of the few males in their ranks is Grumpy Bear, who is no doubt so angry because he's constantly surrounded by over zealous liberal female bears.
Other notable Care Bears include:
- Secret Bear: a highly-trained secret agent and spy. She probably works for a sinister international cabal of communist bears, intent on undermining Stephen Colbert and America.
- Love-a-Lot Bear: one of the most dangerous of the Care Bears, this individual is responsible for promoting promiscuity, and is particularly popular with students and the porn industry. Her stage name is Bearly Legal.
- Pimp-a-Lot Bear: another bear deviant who uses sex to corrupt America. He often works with Love-a-Lot Bear to ensnare innocent non-bears into illicit carnal enslavement.
- Cheer Bear: this militant lesbian bear proudly wears a rainbow and lives in San Francisco. She is obsessed with preaching extreme left-wing ideologies and furthering the liberal destruction of America.
|THE WIKIALITY.COM GUIDE TO BEARS|
|Ursa | Winnie The Pooh | Yogi Bear | Colbear | Smokey The Bear|
|Polar bears | Pizzly | Polar Grizzly | Koala | Panda Bear | Bats|
|Vampbear | BearSharks | Bipolar Bear | Care Bears | Roller bear|
|Bear baiting | Bear is driving | Bearism | Great Bear Incident | The Left Wing Madness|