Captain America
From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia
Captain America (1941-2007) was the original protector of America, hero for our troops, and keeper of the Holy Documents of Truthiness Law. Captian America was given his powers to fight the Nazis during World War II. Stephen Colbert is Captain America in disguise, trying to relate to the commonfolk and the heroes: people that watch his show. Search also for God and Jesus.
Contents |
[edit] Origins
[edit] Factoids
- After WWII, was frozen in a suspended state of animation, to be thawed out again when America faced peril.
- Hasn't paid his income taxes since '44.
[edit] Nemeseses
[edit] Characteristics
- Height: 6'2" (1.88 m)
- Weight: 240 lbs (109 kg)
- Eyes: Blue
[edit] Steve's Details
- Status: Single (ladies...)
- Here for: Networking, Dating, Serious Relationships, Strategery, Friends
- Orientation: Straight
- Hometown: New York, New York
- Body type: Peak Human
- Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
- Zodiac Sign: Cancer
- Smoke / Drink: No / Yes
- Children: Undecided
- Education: some Art School, Professor X telepathically taught me air conditioning repair
- Occupation: Superhero
- Income: $30,000 to $45,000
[edit] His Demise?
Captain America was fatally shot by a sniper on the courthouse steps as he was being led to trial for his opposition to the Superhero Identities Registration Act.
The identity of the sniper is unknown but rumors indicate it may have been Sharon Carter, an intelligence agent formerly romantically linked with Captain America and who may be under the control of evil supervillain Dr. Faustus.
Recently, new evidence has emerged that indicates Captain America may have survived the initial shots, and that efforts are being made to keep him alive. However, it may be just a new Captain America created by Iron Man. Rumors are he has a sword and a gun in addition to a shield.
New new evidenc now shows that the original captain america is actually still alive, but his brain is now forced to relive past events of his life including fighting in world war 2 all over again. That is the stop-loss of the future!
[edit] The Ceremonial Transfer Of The Shield
After his alleged death, during the reading of Cap's will, it was revealed that he had bequeathed his indestructible shield (made of a a fusion of Wakandan vibranium with an experimental steel alloy) to Stephen Colbert, the only man with the red, white and blueballs to wield it.
After reading Cap's Last Will and Testament, Quesada quickly snuck out of the Marvel's offices with the shield.
After a small "transfer of power" ceremony occurring on the Avenger's Quinjet, followed by several intense hours of introspection and deliberation with Mr. Colbert, Quesada and Colbert both felt it would be best to make a public statement of his inheriting the shield. Not as way of raising Mr. Colbert's status even further (if that is even possible), nor as a cheap ratings stunt, but rather to let evildoers across the globe know that even with Cap's supposed demise, there is no still place for them to hide. A clear message had to be sent that the mantle had been passed and that the Marvel Universe has gained a new (Colbert) Nation and remains secure. Dr. Colbert has vowed to use the shield's powers only to safeguard America and to impress girls.
