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The British Empire

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Please note: this item was once put On Notice,
but was removed on December 10, 2008,
a day of forgiveness declared by Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.
Union-jack
Strawberries
The British Empire
has bad teeth and a funny accent because it is British.


Established in the middle of the 1500s, the British Empire sought to bring the entire world under the yoke of Imperialism. A fatal flaw in this plan was that until the early 1900s there was no way to enforce this "gunboat diplomacy" because it hadn't been built. After conquering Africa and the Middle East, The British carefully created new countries by randomly drawing lines on a map. The peace and prosperity of both these regions today is a testiment to the brilliance of this strategy.

After a brief struggle, The British Empire slowly began to disintegrate. With the granting of independence to India in 1947, and the loss (i.e giving back) of Hong Kong in 1997, the British Empire consisted of the British Isles (apart from Northern Ireland and certain parts of Scotland) and a small plot of land behind the White House that had been sprinkled with British soil.

It is likely that the sun has set on the British Empire and only old people remember the glory that was Britain before the Second World War. Though they will always be remembered as losing control to the greatest country in the world but not to Argentina who had their ass kicked in 1982 when they tried to take one of the remaining colonies.

What's left of the empire is Currently On Notice due to an unfortunate incident involving a portrait of George Washington at Sotheby's.

Though, it was clear from its genesis that British Empire was destined to collapse. This was due to the inherently unjustified doctrines of Anglicism that it propagated, and its opposition to the supremacy of the Holy Roman Catholic Church.

The British Empire was mostly responsible for the birth of the nation Canada. Without Canada the United States would not have a little brother to pick on. Canada still has many ties to the British empire. This should give us a fair idea why the Empire is on notice because it is responsible for much of the things on the "On Notice" list such as the Toronto Raptors and Grizzily Bears.

The British empire is also the largest demographic for men with beards that eat bowtie pasta.


Map west2

Western Hemisphere

Map east2

Eastern Hemisphere

NB: The British Empire was so big it could only be put over two images

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