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[edit] Latest In Truthy News
[edit] Nation Salutes Newest American Hero: WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer
A Libural Depiction of WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer
WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer to Receive Medal of Truthiness
The United States of Colbertica. - Wikiality.com gives a farewell salute to Wikiality.com and America’s finest Truthiness Crusader and Champion of the Gut, WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer. This Real American Hero has been raptured sadly drafted joyfully volunteered to join our fight against our Nation’s terrible enemies… bear, gays, and hippies, but mostly bears! You see WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer has been recently promoted as Brigadier General of The First Earth Battalion for the Bear Uprising of 2012 as well as the rumored yet Secret American War known as “The Great Spice Wars” of 2021 with Captain Hazel "Hank" Murphy. We salute you brave heroes!
His Humble Beginnings:
WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer was born in the ghettoes part of Los Angeles, Kaulyfornia. WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer has always known that he was special, and I don’t mean “Special Olympics” kind of special but a working functioning body kind of special that is superior to the lesser masses known as hippies and communists and bears and gays.
His Gut Powah Awakens. Goats Beware:
He developed Truthiness power at a very early age and soon he amassed followers wherever he went. Many of his worshipers cult followers fans asked him. ~ “Master, what must we do to bring Truthiness to the world?” and his response would be ~ “Ye, Children of Truthiness. We must follow the Commandments of The One Named Stephen!” yet they did not understand for Stephen’s name did not reach to the ears of the ignorant masses Real Americans as Colbert was still an unknown which is hard to believe, but soon God would rectify that.
Fighting Bears and Hippies… and Gays!
WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer came up with a very ingenious and devious plan to stop the Gay Hippie Bear Threat by infiltrating the filthy bastards. First he convince them that he was born as a filthy libural commie hippie and then he gay married a bear to solidify his undercover persona (unfortunately he was forced to do gay stuff like converting to mooslism, have a lot of gay sex and go to gay bars to watch other gays having gay dances and sex... WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer we salute you for your bravery and sacrifice!). The hippie gay bears were so impressed with him and they were convinced that WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer was one of their own that soon they revealed all of their secret gay stuff. He soon was able to undercover thousands of files and their secret to topple the American government and to spread the insidious gay agenda.
As Stephen is to Jesus. WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer is to John The Baptist:
WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer knew that his divine destiny was to pave the way for Stephen to reach the top of Comedy Central and start his own show, The Colbert Report. With Stephen’s Awesome powers and WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer’s Gut power they were able to blackmail convince Comedy Central that America was ready for The Colbert Report. Their only obstacle was John Stewart the backstabbing joo that wouldn’t allow Stephen from walking away from his contractual responsibility from the awful libural media known as The Daily Show.
WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer used his Gut Powah, just like a Jedi Mind Trick to convince John Stewart that Stephen had no obligational contract to work for the joo anymore. It worked! (also it didnt hurt that they threw a sack of pennies on the floor while they ran away from Stewart’s joowish grip).
Because of his actions WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer will be canonized as a Saint by the Pope this year. He will be known as “Saint WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer of Wikiality”:
Wikiality is Born!
Wikipedophiles made life very difficult for WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer and his attempt to spread the word of Truthiness, many feared that unless something was done, soon Facts, not Guts, would rule The Series of Tubes. This was a battle for the soul of America and for the soul of Truthiness. All seemed lost... Until WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer was inspired by Stephen's words of wisdoms.
On July 31, 2006 Stephen uttered these words that soon would change America's history, "Wikiality: A reality where, if enough people agree with a notion, it becomes the truth." Inspired by Stephen's words, it was decided that if Wikipedia would not reflect Real Americans' reality, then they would fabricate their own reality on their own "Wikiality".
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Disclaimer: Wikiality.com does not claim that this is actually WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer.
[edit] Special Call To The Nation: Conservapedia Needs Our Help!
Nation, as you probably learned yesterday our Beloved Stephen Colbert called up to arms to vandalize called the Nation to help Conservapedia on their latest project to De-liberalified the Holy Bible. One of the Holiest Book on America!
Everyone knows that some of the Christian writers of the past were actually secret liberal hippie agents send back in time to Gayfied the Holy Bible so it would reflect the teachings of Hippie Jesus as an attempt to oust American Jesus from The Kingdom of Heaven!
Wikiality.com will not stand to this hippie liberal conspiracy to hippified Jesus or Christianity for that matter! After all doesn’t the bible says that:
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book:
And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.
- Revelations 22:18-19
I don’t know what it means, but I am sure God is in our side!
[edit] Conservapedia Special Message to The Nation:
Comment from the main page of conservapedia:
“Special message to the Colbert show watchers: Do yourselves a favor and watch less television. Colbert and his advertisers want to make money off you, but you can accomplish some good instead by unplugging the TV. You could even pick up a Bible.” keep up the good work.
[edit] Good News: Commie Socialized Medicine Bear-Loving Alcoholic Bear Dragged to Hell By Satan
| A Real American Hero Declares he is a |
GOP: We Are Saved!
The Patriotic States of America. August 26, 2009 - America cheers as the Bear Alien Overlord’s corpse is being dragged on the streets of America under the cries of relief and joy! The Alien Bear known as Ted Kennedy (aka Alien Teddy Bear) has passed away! Hurray!!
We are not certain how it happened but many Real American Heroes are taking credit for his death.
“I save America! Now where is my medal?” declared Randall Terry.
- “I am the hero of this ordeal, it was thanks to my prayers to God that God decided to send an army of Angels and smite this godless unbeliever!” declared Real American Hero Michele Bachmann.
- “Lies! It was thanks to my assassin’s squad that I saved America from Socialized Medicine!” declared Dick Cheney. “The Mooslim one is next!”
- “Nonsense, it was I who saved America!” declared The Glorious Leader of the Republican Party, Rush Limbaugh. “I saved America by using my Super Powers!! All of you are fools! And now that we destroyed the Alien Bear we must stop Obama! It is our duty to stop Obama so that way we can protect our P@nises!! I have evidence that Obama wants to steal our p*nis so we wont be able to reproduce!! It is diabolically evil, people!”
- “FOOLS, IT WAS I WHO DID THE DEAD!” declared America’s Greatest Hero, the Grim Reaper as the crowd of Real American Heroes
cowered. The Grim Reaper declared that it was his hand who had slain the Greatest Evil in America. According with Mr. Reaper, he was worried that Socialized Medicine wouldsave too many liveskill too many people, making a nightmarish paperwork. “LOOK, I ENJOY MURDER NOW AND THEN, BUT I NEED MY VACATION, YOU KNOW” declared Death Sheepishly.
Regardless of who did the deed, everyone is a Hero on America’s eye. We thank all of you for saving us from Socialized Medicine.
The GOP has declared that now that the most dangerous Bear in America is dead, they can now finally find a solution to bring Health Care reform for all Americans with Free Market options. The movement for Socialized Medicine is withering and dying. Thank God!
- “Now that the Mooslim Tyrant lost a dangerous Ally we can rescue America from his tyranny!” declared a Real American.
[edit] America’s Doctor Humiliates Joo on Cable National Teevee!
“Mercy Hell Hospital”
Dr. Betsy Newest American Hero
The Patriotic States of America. August 22, 2009 - America, there is still a glimmer of hope for us after all! News that the Public Option is Dead was a welcome relief for Wall Street many Real Americans.
This defeat against the Public Option and Obama’s Death Panels came thanks to America’s Doctor! Doctor Betsy McCaughey (She has a Doctorate in Banking and making lots of money!) decided she had enough of the libural lies and their horrible attempt to kill America’s Seniors (so the commie bears could devour their souls before they can go to heaven!). Doctor Betsy decided she needed to confront the biggest libural in America to stop the communist disease, and the biggest libural in America is John Stewart, so she decided it was time to confront the joo and stop him from spreading his libural lies and rants!
Doctor Betsy braved herself by going into the darkest part of the libural coutry and confronting the joowishman. It was a dangerous and brave display of bravery and heroism. She outwitted the joowishman and humiliated him on teevee!! It was awesome! Soon the crowd in the studio turned against the joo and boo him off the state. Doctor Betsy received an outstanding ovation!
The next day America's medical board fired asked her to resign awarded Doctor Betsy the “Medal of Medical Ballsiness” and was promoted as Super Chief of Medicine. But Doctor Betsy turned down the offer and has decided to step down as America’s Doctor. According with sources she is not quitting, instead she is pursuing more ambitious opportunities in the private sector. Probably even join the likes like Sarah Palin and Orly Taitz in the War against The Mooslim Tyrant. Doctor Betsy, you are now an honorary Republican Goddess! Congratulation!
As long as Obama is our Tyrant, America can not be safe!
- “Could you imagine Socialized Medicine running our Health Care? It would be terrible, people would be dying on the streets and the Private Sector would be bankrupt because they wont be able to compete with a robust Big Government Health Care! People will die and CEOs will go bankrupt overnight!!” declared a Real American. “But thank God that Obama’s Death Panels and the Public Option is gone, we can now go back to trust the efficiency and reliability of a Free Market Health Care. America has the Best Health Care in The World!”
As you know many Real Americans were mad that Obama was attempting to enforce his communist agenda on it's American Citizens. Forcing them to die at the hand of communist doctors! Or worst, turn them gay by injecting gay blood in our red and blue American blood! But our angry voices were loud enough to scare these cowardly hippies!
The News of the defeated hippies was a welcome relief for America, but it may already be too late for some individuals. Many Ultra Rich Entrepreneurial Americans lost many of their values because of the recession communist agenda.
- “This is madness, what kind of madman would support this
blackmooslim tyrant and his insane idea to insurepoor people“Undesirables”!” declared a CEO. “We should let the Free Market to do its job,the job of making moneythe job of saving lives!”
News of the Public Option’s death is already emboldening Entrepreneurial people across the globe, and some of them are demanding a more Free Market Health Care system, after all America’s system is the most envied in the world! Do not worry people of the world! Once we have rescued America from the hands of these commie hippies, we will start liberating you from your own socialized medicine!
If you ask me, it was about time that the GOP cut off their ties to this tyrant. Obama has done nothing but to shove his communist agenda down our throats, that is not bipartisanship Mr. President-tyrant!
This mooslim is a tyrant who has usurped the legitimate seat of government from Mrs. Palin. She should be President by now, not him! He should just resign and allow us to start over! And this time we should have a real American as our President!
But not everything is good news, we have recently learned that Obama and his communist regime will instead implement his Socialized Medicine Part II! Or as it is known in the underground circles as Co-ops. Co-ops are a more watered down version of Socialized Medicine, but potent and communist enough to bankrupt America’s Health Care System. But do not worry, just as we defeated Obama’s Death Panels and Public Option, we can defeat this abomination as well!
[edit] Activist California Court Undermines Justice and Democracy!!!!
GOP under heavy attack!!!
The Communist States of Stalinistic America. August 7, 2009 - Real Americans were shocked to find that the California Courts denied Mrs. Taitz’s day in court. The Activist Judge not only did toss the Kenyan Birth Certificate but arrested Mrs. Taitz for presenting false evidence questioning the mooslim tyrant's legitimacy for Dictatorship for life!! Worst, the Obama Administration then brought two surprised witnesses to the court, the so called and mysterious Mr. Bomford and the alleged Master Forger of the Kenyan Certificate!! Lies!! All Lies!! Yet the libural media has been silence on this abominable form of injustice. Where is the voice of Real America???
Nation, I am a man of the law and I believe in the Democratic Republican Process. After all we are better than the hippie bear-loving liburals… But the mooslim administration is starting to test my patience at this point. Now, I am not saying we should resort to violence to deal with all of our troubles, unless the person at the receiving end of the violence happens to be a democrat. But the mooslim administration is undermining the Real American people to the point that we will not be responsible for what happens next! Obama wont rest until he turns America into a Communist Country and we will not let that to happen! Not under my watch!
| GOP to eliminate |
Ever since Obama usurped John McCain Sarah Palin from the Seat of Democracy Republicracy, he has released a terrible horror on Real Americans. Obama has done everything to persecute Real Christians because of their beliefs! Seized our savings, checking, and banking accounts to fund his libural agenda. He has destroyed our Free Market Health Care System and arrested Ultra Rich Entrepreneurial Americans for making too much money. Spied on Real American Citizens for no reason. And invited Foreigners to seize our government… Is Obama satisfied with his Reign of Terror? Of course not! Which is why he has undermined the Judicial System to manipulate the courts to stop Real Americans from restoring America’s former glory!
Well, I am MAD and I am not taking this sh#t anymore!! And the GOP is also MAD too! Nation, is time for arms! Is time to retake our government and restore the Glory of America before is too late! Go to your local Town Hall and give them HELL!!
[edit] Usurper Tyrant Obama Indicted for Treason!!!
Super American Grand Jury New Heroes of America!
The Patriotic States of Real America. August 5, 2009 - The Newly established Super American Grand Jury of America has indicted the Usurper mooslim Obama for treason, usurpation of power, being a mooslim, being a bear lover, tax evader, and for being a foreigner. The Super American Grand Jury was established last night long time ago; their purpose is to overthrow Obama’s presidency prove that Obama is not the rightful leader of America. The Grand Jury is made up of 176 Real Americans that consists of birthers, racists, lunatics, rightwingers, and Patriotic Americans.
Thanks to the efforts of Mrs Taitz for providing the fake Kenyan Birth Certificate we finally ended this horrible nightmare...
- “All of the courts are under the control of Tyrant Obama. All of them are Activist Judges so there is no way we can get a fair trial. Nowhere does the Constitution says that we can convene a grand jury of our own without the permission of a prosecutor! Where does it says that? Nowhere, so take that!!” declared Mrs. Taintz while showing her law degree to reporters. See she is a real lawyer! “They say that the Kenyan Birth Certificate is false. I say the so called Australian Birth Certificate is the false one. There is no Mr. Bomford, this Bomford is a fabrication in part of the Obama Conspiracy! I don’t need to prove anything to you, I don’t have to prove that the Kenyan Birth Certificate is Real, that is not my job. The burden of proof is on Obama!”
The White House has refused to comment, but do not worry, if the Tyrant refuses to resign and step down we will sent our mercenaries Real American Troops to seize him and arrest him!
[edit] MSNBC Bullies Real American Orly Taitz!
| O RLY Taitz’s eloquent speech |
GOP Demands MSNBC to Apologize!
The Patriotic States of America. August 4, 2009- Nation, I have some urgent news! Mrs. Orly Taitz was bullied by MSNBC and was made fun of!!! Those bastards!!! How dare you, sir!! How Dare You Insult Mrs. Taitz’s Intelligence and her unblemished Honor!!!! They must pay I say, they must pay! But don’t worry, once Mrs. Taitz presents the Kenyan Birth Certificate on Court they will have no choice but to acknowledge her awesomeness! Obama is roasted!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
- Ahem…
Anyway, now that we have THE Evidence this horrific nightmare is finally over… We can finally deal with That Usurper…
- Now, I present to you President Sarah Palin!! WE DID IT!!!!!
- UPDATE: No. Wikiality.com does not know of some Australian Birth Certificate or some Mr. David Jeffrey Bomford. Please, stop emailing us.
That Australian Birth Certificate is the fake one!
[edit] Libural Media Dismisses Obama’s Fake Kenya Birth Certificate
The Patriotic States of Real America. August 2, 2009 - Nation, I have some grave news. As you know Mrs. Orly Taitz found undeniable evidence that Obama was born in Kenya, but unfortunately the court wont accept the forge document as valid evidence! Can someone say "Activist Judge"? Worst, the judge has accused Mrs. Taitz of fabricating evidence and has accused her of being a criminal, she could go to prison!!! Clearly this is an attempt to obstruct Mrs. Taitz pursue of Truthiness to uncover the insidious Truthiness of Obama’s Birth!!!
The Libural Media has refused to acknowledge the evidence that Mrs. Taitz presented to them and they are calling the Kenyan Birth Certificate a fabrication!! The Nerve!!! Wikiality.com has learned that as an immediate response to Mrs. Taitz inquiry, the Libural Media has launched a campaign of misinformation to stop the Citizenship Truther movement!
But do not be concerned, Wikiality.com has dissected and analyzed the Certificate and we think know it is authentic. But since we know that the libural judge and the Media will challenge its authenticity with their Libural Facts, Wikiality.com have fabricated listed the proper responses to spin to challenge these Factonistas. Remember, if the liburals challenge the authenticity of the Kenyan Certificate and they start spinning their facts, you must respond with these simple answers. Watch their reaction as they realized that they are pawns of the Obama Conspiracy to conceal the Truthiness!!
Remember the liburals may have their bias facts, but we have Truthiness in our side:
- “Libural Fact”: In 1961 the hospital was called “Coast Provincial General Hospital” (sometimes said to be Coast Province General Hospital), not Coast General Hospital.
- “Truthiness”: The Hospital was secretly bought by a Nigerian Prince and he changed the hospital name in secrecy! Everyone knows that!
- “Libural Fact”: Kenya was a Dominion the date this certificate was allegedly issued and would not become a republic for several months. It says "Republic of Kenya" but is dated February 1964. Kenya did not become a republic until 12 December 1964.
- “Truthiness”: Silly liburals, don’t you know that Kenya was a “Secret Republican” at the time? No wonder you are so confused! Yes, they had a secret election and Kenya became a Secret Republic before 1964, ssshhh don’t tell the Queen, it’s suppose to be a secret!
- “Libural Fact”: The document is dated 5 August 1964 -- a Saturday. From what I can find, Kenyan guvmint offices close early on Friday and are closed on Saturdays.
- “Truthiness”: Everyone knows that mooslims are heretics so they don’t watch the Sabbath, only Real Christian and Joos do! Get your libural facts away from here!
- “Libural Fact”: In 1961, Mombassa was in ZANZIBAR, not in Kenya when Obama was born.
- “Truthiness”: Silly liburals, don’t you know that you can photoshop a map? Besides, maps, like facts, haz a libural bias! That’s why Americans flunk Geography, they don’t believe in their libural lies!
- “Libural Fact”: Obama's father's village would be nearer to Nairobi, not Mombasa.
- “Truthiness”: Nairobi, Mombasa… who cares? It is still in Afrika therefore it is still relevant!
- “Libural Fact”: The number is fishy: 47O44-- 47 is Obama's age when he became president, followed by the letter O (not a zero) followed by 44--he is the 44th president.
- “Truthiness”: Everyone knows that numbers can lie and be interpreted in many ways… now did you know that Obama’s birthday, August 4th 1961 (# 8041961) is actually a secret code that if deconstructed reads “I am Not American”
- “Libural Fact”: Check out the name on the certificate, Signature of Registrar: E. F. Lavender. E. F. Lavender is a common soap (laundry detergent) in Kenya.
- “Truthiness”: So what? It means nothing! I know a guy named “WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer”, granted his parents were probably High when they named him that way, but no one can blame the guy for having such a weird name. After all my Parents named me Mutopis… what?? That is my real name! Besides Mrs. Taitz is attempting to track down E.F. Lavender with all of our resources… you will see! We will find this guy, even if it cost us all of our money!
- “Libural Fact”: Would a nation with a large number of Muslims actually say "Christian name" (as opposed to name) on the birth certificate?
- “Truthiness”: That’s a trick question! You see, this was an attempt from the Obama’s to dispel the rumors that he is not a mooslim by putting “Christian” in the document, nice try… Is not the fault of the Hospital or the doctors that they were deceived, if they have known they would have put “mooslim name” on it…
- “Libural Fact”: His father (born in 1961) would have been 24 or 25 when he was born and not 26.
- “Truthiness”: There is an explanation for this, you see Obama’s father was actually a Time Traveler from the future, sent to the past to destroy America. Because he was trapped in the past he skipped a couple of ages you see! Simple!
- “Libural Fact”: It was called the "Central Nyanza District," not Nyanza Province. The regions were changed to provinces in 1970.
- “Truthiness”: Is called Gerrymandering, the libural Kenyans were messing with their districts with their insidious commie “Census” to confuse Real American like us!
- “Libural Fact”: Did you notice the document file number at the top of the page? 47,044. Obama is 47 years old and is the 44th president.
- “Truthiness”: Now that just crazy talk…
- “Libural Fact”: This piece of paper certainly looks nice and new to be 45 years old -- unless the Kenyans were using acid-free paper back in 1964.
- “Truthiness”: Silly liburals, of course it looks nice! The Kenyan Government put the document in a secret safe! A secret safe that was airtight and vacuum sealed so they could preserve such an important document for us!! They did it so that in the future they would help us expose the lies of the Obamas!
- “Libural Fact”: Finally, Officials of Coast Province General Hospital reported: “We do not have computerized records going back to the 1960’s and can only sort through our archives by hand,” Dr. Christopher Mwanga, an administrator at the Mombasa hospital tells GLOBE. “We have searched for all the names of babies born on Aug. 4, 1961, and have not found the name of Barack Hussein Obama. That is all I can tell you.”
- “Truthiness”: I am sorry, but are we supposed to trust the words of these foreigners? They could be lying! For all we know they are part of the Obama Conspiracy! But thank God we found the document to expose their lies!!
UPDATE: Twitter has joined the libural media and it is challenging the authenticity of the Kenyan Birth Certificate!
[edit] Exclusive News: O RLY Finds Obama’s Lost Kenyan Birth Certificate
Obama To be Impeached Next Day
The United Patriotic States of Real America. August 2, 2009 - Citizenship Truthers rejoice! The Libural Nightmare is over!!! Finally we did it!!! We have finally found proof that Obama is not American!! And this time we have REAL PROOF!
For months Real Americans had to suffer under the burden of being slaves subjects under a black mooslim president. For months we have suffered the horrors of communism and tyranny and given time the horrors of Socialized Medicine. But the cries of Real Americans did not go unheard!
The Brave Heroes at World Nuts Daily have brought us some wonderful news! Real American Hero Orly Taitz found the missing Kenyan Birth Certificate!! According with Mrs. Taitz it was a dangerous journey, packed with conspiratorial agents, secret government assassins, corrupt Kenyan government agents, and libural hippies! Mrs. Taitz's life was in mortal danger, yet she somehow managed to undermine the Obama Administration in her pursue of Truthiness. Mrs. Taitz is so awesome that she found the Kenyan Birth Certificate only in a matter of days what World Nuts Daily and Freerepublic.com failed to do so after so many excruciating failed months of searching. Way to go Mrs. Taitz! Wikiality.com congratulates you!
Mrs. Taitz has expressed interest in writing a book about the whole experience, and maybe even a movie! Wikiality.com calculates that she will make a fortune from the dramatic months days of searching for Obama’s Kenyan Birth Certificate, and she didn’t even need to leave the country to find it!!
[edit] HOLY SH#T!! AT&T DECLARES WAR ON 4CHAN!! SERIES OF TUBES ARE DOWN IN 90% OF AMERICA!!!
AT&T CEO’s secrets are now being posted in all forums
In a dangerous move brave move, the Mighty Corporate Giant AT&T in its dangerous hubris infinite wisdom haz declare war against 4chan to protect America against their filthy content!!!! News of the challenge is causing a battle rally through out the dark corners of the series of tubes.
Wikiality.com is attempting to obtain as much information as we can from the front lines, unfortunately we have lost a lot of brave Wikiality Journalists covering this gruesome battle… the carnage is horrible… We recently discovered that the mighty army of 4chan continues to grow in size as the battle for the soul of America's internetz continues!! The 4chan army is consistently made up of Anonymous, pedobears, geeks, dorks, hackers, sleazy nekked fat people trap in their parent’s basement with no lives, and bears!
The Alarming News of the War has put America in a state of panic. As of now the Threat Level is “HOLY F#@KING SH#T!!” and we are being told that the US Army will mobilize it's forces to all of America’s major cities to impose Marshall Law until the war is declared over… or until one of them declares defeat, possibly AT&T
- UPDATE: AT&T
surrenderscalls for a cease fire. According with sources "The CEO of AT&T (after having an orgasmic night of hookers and male dancers) came to the realization that this brutal war is simply unnecessary. After all AT&T wishes to avoid any civilian casualties and bloodshed, so AT&T is asking 4chan to look deep into theirdevious heartempty soulsconsciencewhatever traits of humanity is left in them, and accept their call for truce and cease fire andnot to sue them or contact the FCCfor the good of America… AT&T is alsodemandingasking politely that 4chan will cease to spread malicious rumors like “AT&T’s Super Duper Saving Deals” that you must be crazy not to take or the dubious rumors that AT&T is giving away free iPhones..."
[edit] Breaking News: GOP Defeats Delays Socialized Medicine!
GOP: America Haz The Best Health Care in The World but it still requires needed reform.
The United States of America. July 24, 2009 - The signs where there, the signs for Doomsday. There was fear that the mooslim tyrant would make Socialized Medicine mandatory, a system that could destroy America’s Best Health Care in The World. Such a nightmarish scenario was close to reality… I said close, but Thank God it was avoided!! We have some wonderful news the GOP was able to crush Obamacare and thanks to their inaction the GOP control Congress once again! Take that bear-loving hippie!!!!! We are back again!!! delay Obamacare for now.
The GOP recognizes that while America Has The Best Health Care in The World, it does requires… some needed repairs on it… just some small fixes, nothing serious. Which is why the GOP will present their own Health Care plan as soon as they are finished with it. This way the hippies can stop complaining and stop demanding for Socialized Medicine.
Wikiality.com has compiled a list of facts indicating why Socialized Medicine is bad for you, bad for your wallet and bad for your health. We attempted to present our list to the Libural Media, but unfortunately the hippie bear-loving liburals would have none of it.
First of all America Has The Best Health Care in The World, it is the greatest and every American has access to it. However, the Liburals are spreading their libural myth that America has uninsured people somewhere. Ridiculous, America Has The Best Health Care System in The World so Every American is covered and Haz Access to The Greatest Medical Care In The World!! So take that hippies!
The GOP has also attained proof that Socialized Medicine would not only be costly and expensive, but they also discovered that it is a diabolical plan for Bears to infiltrate the American Government!! Is true, Bears are attempting to force Socialized Medicine to all Americans so they can easily destroy America! It was thanks to the efforts of Michelle Bachmann that we were able to obtain this precious piece of information… Yet the Hippies continue to demand Socialized Medicine...
Another reason that Socialized Medicine is bad for America and bad for all Americans is this simple explanation. Socialized Medicine is like Fast Food: Slow and Cheap. While Privatized Health Care is like a 5 Star Restaurant: Expensive and only open to the Ultra Rich Affordable and The Best Health Care In The World for All Americans.
With these facts and the GOP’s agenda to make America’s Best Health Care in The World The Bestest would solidify their position for centuries to come. The 2010 and 2012 elections will be a breeze and Obama will be forgotten forever…!
The GOP understands the sense of urgency to stop the liburals from destroying America’s Best Health Care System in The World and they will not rest until this problem is dealt with.
[edit] Emergency News: Dangerous Black Man on the Loose!
He is suspected to be armed and dangerous.
GOP Demands full investigation
The United States of Patriotic America. July 22, 2009 - News that a dangerous mooslim black man was able to escape from his jail cell is putting the whole nation under the shadows of fear. The GOP is demanding a full investigation and the subsequent arrest of the black man mooslim criminal.
- “This is ridiculous, this is America! Why should our
whitecitizens be afraid of going home at night or being able to sleep soundly while this “black man” is on the streets?? How can the police let him get away free?” declared an unidentified man in a crisp, linen hood.
The failure of the Libural Media to cover this incident demonstrates that America is unsafe as long as the joos the mooslim tyrant keeps his grip and control on America’s voices. But luckily Fox News has not shied away on criticizing the failures of the mooslim’s administration.
The mood in America is that of fear, fear that maybe the mooslim leader is behind the conspiracy to liberate every black mooslim in prison so they can take arms and attack White America Real America.
- “The fact that this happened during the watch of the Obama Administration clearly demonstrates that Obama is soft on “
BlackMooslim Criminals”. I suspect he himself is a criminal, otherwise why he let thisblack manmooslim criminal go free? If I was him, I would have locked theblack manmooslim criminal forever,” declared an unidentified, yet concerned citizen.
News of a black mooslim loose on our streets has put many of our American Citizens on alert. Demand for safety measures has driven many of them to attain a piece of security against any black man mooslim attacks or home invasion.
- “I am sure my AK-47 would be good enough to drive away any
black manmooslim that tries to break my home!” declared an average fearful home owner.
There will be a rally next week to demand the mooslim tyrant to resign for failing to keep America safe from the threat of black mooslim criminals intent on scaring us all to death. Concerned citizens are already demanding for the tyrant’s resignation and their movement is growing!
With the mounting evidence against this Administration’s failure, it is only a matter of time before he is forced to resign.
But luckily not every black man is a mooslim, we have this one dude who is helping us to fight off the mooslim black menace… what was his name again?
| GOP calls for a State of Emergency against the black man threat |
[edit] EMERGENCY UPDATE! BLACK MOOSLIM AND DIABEETUS MAN STEALS STEPHEN’S DOCTORATE!!!
Threat Level: RED!
THIS IS A STATE OF EMERGENCY. THE BLACK MOOSLIM MAN WHO ESCAPED FROM JAIL LAST NIGHT HAS TEAMED UP WITH A DIABEETUS MAN AND HAZ STOLEN STEPHEN’S DOCTORATE!!!!
Please, if anyone sees these two traitors, contact DHS as soon as possible!!! But do not contact the mooslim tyrant; we know for a fact that Obama and the mooslim thief are actually pals! Local police will soon pay a “visit” to Obama for criticizing The Police (we know for a fact that mooslims and black people are afraid of ‘da police’).
There is suspicion that this is part of the Obama Conspiracy to destroy America.
[edit] This Time In History:
Long before there was a Wikiality.com there was The Wikiality Real American Times, one of the must trusted newspapers on its time. It was funded in 1969 and then declared bankruptcy in 1970. But during that brief time it was considered one of the greatest newspaper ever! It was so great that we suspect it foresaw the coming of Stephen Colbert! Here is an old article from its glorious days...
[edit] “The Wikiality Real American Times: America Conquers Moon!”
Nixon has succeeded where JFK failed.
The United States of Nixonland. July 20, 1969. - America, we finally did it! We have conquered the moon!! The pinko commies have lost! Too bad for them, maybe they should dig up the rotten corpse of Stalin and ask him for forgiveness for their failure to beat us. Of course the commies are calling foul and saying that America is lying, that we “Fabricated” the moon landing, that the whole thing is a Hoax. Anyone who calls America’s moon landing a hoax is a commie!!
This is a great moment for America and I hope those NASA geeks remember to safeguard the footage so we can show it our grandchildren in the coming years. According with sources, The Greatest Capitalist President of America, President Nixon, will be unveiling new plans for the moon.
- “The President wants to built a Moon Fortress to protect it from the commies. The project could cost millions of dollars, but it will be worth it. If America doesn’t do it, who else will? The commies? We cannot let them! The Moon is part of America now!” declared one of Nixon’s aids.
Many corporations and businesses have shown interest on the moon’s real estates and they are already buying lots of properties. “Wikiality Real America Times” suspects that by the end of 1990 we will have Hotels in the moon, Casinos in the moon, and maybe even a large beach in the moon! Soon Americans will be able to spend their vacation in the moon. The sky is the limit!!
President Nixon will meet with our New American Heroes as soon as they finish negotiating with the mooninites for a peace treaty. The mooninites will love our “mooninites reservations” that we have prepared for them; while we extract any precious metal that is littering their land. That seems fair.
- “President Nixon is already busy at the moment with his "new national health strategy". We believe his plan will create the Best Health Care system in the world for centuries to come! As soon as President Nixon is done with negotiations with the mooninites, he will negotiate with the Chinese for a new line of credit. President Nixon believes this will encourage the Chinese to become Capitalist by allowing us to borrow lots of money from them. I mean what’s the worst that could happen?” declared a trusted source, William Mark Felt, Sr. We are told that Mr. Felt has a terrible sore throat and that he wont give any more details of Nixon’s plan.
While America awaits the return of our Space Heroes, President Nixon will spend his time at the Watergate Hotel. We are told that they are fumigating the White House for bugs and it is just too toxic to stay there at the moment. The Watergate Hotel is famous for holding the first “Bear Summit” in the world to deal with the Bear menace; this year’s summit is funded by The Prescott Group, America’s most trusted Corporation.
Now that America has conquered the moon, we can do anything!! Anything is possible!
But not everyone is happy with the turn of events; a local crazyman has declared that the moon landing is one of the signs of the end of the world.
- “Is the end man, the end!! This is just the beginning!! Man has spit in the face of God by conquering the moon! I can see a dark future for America. One day blacks will have the vote, racism will be over, fairies will be able to get man-marry, the Supreme Court will be ruled by a Racist Mexican, crime will spiral out of control and America will elect a black president…”
Nah… now that’s impossible! It will never happen. But one thing is for certain, this is a victory for America and for the GOP!
[edit] Who’s Honoring Stephen Colbert for War Vet Status Now? The Fans!!
We can do it!
The United States of Colbertica. July 17, 2009 - It has been a tough week for our Glorious Stephen Colbert. First the Emmys denied his awesome recognition by dropping their "individual performance" category from all Variety, Music or Comedy programs… such a sad day. Now poor Stephen is only left to reminiscent about the good old days of conflicts… Sure he cried, moaned, and groaned, but he grew stronger with each loss... It has also deprived us the fans the opportunity to see any future conflicts with Stephen Colbert with any other old entertainers of yesteryears that no one remembers anymore… Sure the Emmys compensated Stephen Colbert with new categories… but is just not the same…
Then we learned that Keith Olbermann is a coward who has refused to recognize Colbert as a serious journalist! He refused Stephen the honor to name Stephen Colbert [Keith Olbermann's Worst Persons In The World |“Worst Person In The World”]… it seemed like a sad and depressing time…
But now we the fans can change all that! Because we were given the honor and the challenge to honor Our Glorious Stephen by helping him become a War Veteran!! (the non-homeless crazy street lunatic Vietnam kind but the good kind!)
This is a great honor!! Let us help our Glorious Stephen by signing the petition online!! He is the only one who can save America from the crazy liburals!
(what are you waiting for? We need 7000 more signatures!!!)
[edit] Personal Editorial: The Onion For Sale
Nation, I am sad to inform you that one of the finest established Truthiness Media is going for sale. Now Wikiality.com doesnt give much thought on the fall of another media giant, the less of them the better, until we were informed that America will be loosing The Onion!
Like many Newspapers around the Nation, they are hemorrhaging money because no one reads newspapers anymore, so the printing Media is going away like the dinosaurs, which they never existed since they are actually God's little tests for the faithful. Now most of those newspapers are liberal hippie bear-loving liberals so there is no great lost there... but the lost of The Onion is a terrible blow for Truthiness and we are saddened for the loss.
But there are some good news. The Onion is looking for buyers and we have learned that The Onion has approached Stephen Colbert with an attractive offer!! This is great! Imagine the combination of The Onion plus Stephen Colbert will equal Onion Truthiness!! This merger could literally bring America to its knees!
Unfortunately we also learned that The Onion also approached John Stewart, dont do it Onion!! John will fill The Onion Media with liburals, bears, and gays!! It will be the end of The Onion as we know it!
| Exclusive: Obama fears Dragons! |
[edit] Joo Continues to Bully Real American Financial Guru
- Nation, it has come to my attention that The Joo is continuing with his bullying ways… leave
Wall Street, Madoff, the Super Rich andJim Cramer Alone!
[edit] Sotomayor Will Demand Compulsory Abortions For Everyone!
| Activist Judge Illegal Latina Racist and now Terrorist? Shocking… |
Get two abortions, your first one is free
The Alien States of Immigrant Amurica. July 15, 2009 - Yesterday the GOP tried their best to grill Maria Sotomayor to confess her anti-American bias, but the racist illegal queen was not intimidated by the GOP’s awesomeness. There is concern among Real Americans that she will be confirmed no matter what. But what is most disturbing, besides the fact that she is an illegal racist latina Terrorist who will become a Supreme Activist Judge Justice, is the fact that we are giving away the job of Supreme Court Justice to an illegal. America is outsourcing the Law of The Land to illegals.
This is just the beginning of the Illegal Alien Invasion. Soon an exodus of illegals will reach our shores and drain our Nation’s resources. The new wave of Illegal Welfare Queens is just one more example of the deplorable state of our Nation… now we are outsourcing Welfare Queens to other countries! These illegals are taking away welfare money from America's Welfare Queens and the liburals are giving it away to illegal Alien Welfare Queens! When will the liburals learn? But fear not, the GOP is already working in many ways to stop the illegals and the Welfare Queens from stealing from America. Get a job! (not the illegals, I am talking to the Welfare Queens, you illegals are not welcome) We need to stop giving free money to these “undesirables”. I know of no Real American that will stoop so low…
The GOP has assured us that they had done their best to fix the Illegal Alien Problem, they have gone so far as to use “un-orthodox methods” to discourage their invasion, but there has been little success. These illegals are not like us Real Americans, they are a threat to society and a threat to our children.
The Libural Media will accuse me of being a racist, but I am not a Racist. There is no more racism in America, and I am just exercising my rightwing hate monger message freedom of speech which harms no one, the hippie bear-loving liburals will censor anything that doesn’t fit their ideological agenda and propaganda.
I will not be silent! I have already witnessed the Fall of America. The Mooslim tyrant will enslave us and destroy us all and unless we act now or it will be too late for us!
The Mooslim leader is already on the move to replace Private Health Care with his Socialized Medicine for All Americans and we are already getting comments on how Socialized Medicine has destroyed their lives, even before it has already taken effect! It’s that destructive! Worst, we received news that to pay off his socialized experiment, he will tax the rich a 100% of their wealth! You bastard!! Worser, now that Obama took over America’s banks he can take away all of our money to pay off the National Debt. Is true, we have evidence to prove it!
With the fall of the free market, I have witnessed horrors beyond description. Small businesses being destroyed, big corporations too big to fail being taken over by the mooslim tyrant… Wal-Mart, that real American industry, has been taken over by liberal hippies and environmentalist bears!!! What is happening to America??? This is not the America that I know!
It should not be surprise that it will be easy for Obama to implement his socialist policies now that he has that racist latina on the bench. Its just a matter of time before Gay Marriage is mandatory. The Gay Army will parade through Washington DC to commemorate their new Racist Illegal Latina Justice Sotomayor for giving away gay favors. But I fear it wont stop there, America’s education will also be changed to fit Obama’s ideology… our children’s future is at the hands of a socialist mad man.
We must pray America, we must pray that our Real Patriotic Soldiers are being kept safe away from The Gay menace and safe away from the Atheist menace… We will need our troops soon to deal with the coming threat… Fear not, God will protect the righteous, we have enough followers to overturn the Gay Atheist movement!
Also pray for me… it seems that the mooslim tyrant is coming for me! Is true, I haz evidence!!!
[edit] America’s Economy Continues to Sink
Libural Welfare Queens demand more free money
The Welfare States of America. July 9, 2009 - Enough I say!! According with sources the mooslim tyrant has a new plan to unleash a new river of free money to his libural friends… you know, as a way to “thank them” for their support! This is an affront to our sacred free market!! If only Bush could stop him! …wait… maybe Cheney can stop him…
The worst part is that our joowish friends in Israel are starting to loose patience with the mooslim administration and their communist islamofacist agenda to destroy Israel!
Real America is tired of the failed policies of the Obama Administration, we just gave away a bailout and now since the poor liked so much they want to do it again! I knew this would happen! The mooslim administration doesn’t seem to understand how the free market system works at all! Stop giving away bailout money to undeserving bastards poor people!
America is a Free Democratic Republican Nation! We have rights in this country! And now the mooslim libural is trying to trample those rights!
Because of his libural policies we have terrorists invading our shores, terrorists invading our swimming pools during our summer time, and terrorists invading our sacred grounds! The mooslim terrorists are everywhere!!
- "I was scared! We had these mini-mooslims surrounding us! They came out of nowhere!!" declared a scared parent. "I was really afraid for the well being of my children!! Mooslims invading our swimming pools! What has the world come to? If you ask me is Obama's fault, ever since he got elected mooslims have developed this sense of entitlement and such, next thing you know they will demand the right to vote! Please! Someone think of our
whitechildren!!" (according with sources these terrorists are possibly foreigners, midgets, and zombies)
The worst part is that the liburals are not helping to contain the mooslim threat! Instead they are actually encouraging it!!! Traitors!!! Clearly this is a plan to destroy America! We know for a fact that Obama is planning to incarcerate Real Americans and sent them to Concentration Camps! Obama, we know about your gayfying plan to turn us all gay! Why else is he sending Real Americans to prison? Real Americans wont rest until the sanctity of Heterosexual Marriage is secured…
But fear not! We still have Real American Heroes, like Republican Hero Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III who is fighting the mooslim communist threat to safeguard America! Then there is Real Christian American Hero, Republican Rep. Steve King, who is fighting against the insidious libural policies to welcome more mooslims into the country. And let us not forget Fox & Friends’ friendly advice to stop the mooslim threat.
There is still hope for America and the GOP’s promising plan to restore America’s fortunes looks promising! As soon as the mooslim one is gone the GOP will start giving away tax cuts and reduce spending to restore our economy; and we know those plans worked so well in the past! What could possibly go wrong with their new plan?
Besides the GOP’s plan will help resolve our Healthcare problems for good!! Trust them, they know what is good for you... they know what they are doing!
Also I would like to take this moment to inform all of you that I have just come up with a great scheme plan to make a lot of money! I promise you, nothing can possibly go wrong with my plan…
[edit] Liburals: The Party of Haters
Libural progressives are Secret Racists
The Racist States of KKK Obamamerica. July 6, 2009 - When the Founding Fathers established a new Republic in America, to become the new beacon of light and liberty, they did it during the darkest times of barbarism and liburalism. People around the world wanted to bask in the sweet sweet warmth of liberty, which is why they brought people of other races Nations to our shores to enslave to teach them about democracy, freedom, and liberty… and to also civilized them, just like how we civilized the injuns in here. But now the promise of America is being threatened by Racism and Liburalism!
A libural giving her opinion on Fox News |
The hippie bear-loving liberals claim that they are tolerant and accepting of people of all colors, races, and religions… as long as they adopt the atheist communist gay agenda as their own. Otherwise anyone who go against them will be punished and persecuted for disturbing the libural agenda.
If liburals are so “enlightened” how come they are bulling a poor woman like Sarah Palin? I will tell you why, because she is a woman, because she is a mother who wont surrender her baby to the liberals so they can brainwash him, and because she is a Real American who wont be subjected to the communist propaganda… Her Patriotism wont be forgotten… Wikiality.com salutes you Mrs. Palin, give them hell!
Wikiality.com is disturbed and shocked with the frequent trend of liburals calling themselves tolerant yet failing to hold such believes. It is a fact that Racism is over in America, yet the liburals "claim" that there is still racism… is true there is racism in America only because the liburals wont stop being racists!!
Real Americans like us are being targeted by the libural media in an attempt to silence us from talking about the truthiness about it! They are taking away our freedom of speech! When will this libural racist agenda end?? And to make matters worst they are accusing hard working Real Americans of Racism!!! See, the liburals are exacerbating the situation by bringing Racism into the public forum! Stop talking being racist!
[edit] Series of Tubes biggest National Threat to America
Disclaimer: Wikiality.com does not own this picture and does not claim to know it's content as they haven’t reviewed it yet, but we have good faith in our wiki-reporter’s judgement.
GOP demands restriction on Series of Tubes
The Corporate States of America. July 5, 2009 - Many Americans got the chance to celebrate America’s birthday this weekend… well… almost all Americans that is… unfortunately for some, the celebration was spoiled because of the childish behavior of smelly stinky computer geeks who like to surf the inter-webs from their parent's basement. Now you probably wonder how did these dorks ruined America's celebration for all of us… I will tell you how! With the diabolical power of the Series of Tubes. Yes, the Series of Tubes has a dark side… a liberal side... a bear-loving side...
As you probably know, Sarah Palin was “forced” to resign from her position as Governor of Alaska to pursue a more ambitious career to save all of us from the wrath of the Wikinazis. This isn’t the last time that The Series of Tubes destroyed The Greatest Maveratrix Ever’s ambitions for greatness a greater future for America; we have evidence that The Series of Tubes rigged the 2008 election… they practically stole the Presidency from Sarah Palin!
Ever since then, the media and The Inter-nazis have been bullying, hounding, harassing, and violating Mrs. Palin’s privacy and life! Damn you leaches! Leave her alone! Those damn cyber-vultures have no soul, everyone knows that they need to feed from baby’s blood to live, which is why they have been targeting poor Track this last few months…
Don’t worry Palin, the public supports you in these hard times. We understand life has never been easy under the watchful and vengeful eyes of the media…
Now, the liberal media and the “Liberal Internetz” will tell you that these are false accusations and allegations, that they are baseless slanders that have to chance in hell to be proven. But is true, because Sarah says so! It is them whom are the guilty ones for spreading baseless lies and rumors! They are the ones who should pay!!
The Greatest Maveratrix Ever showed great ingenuity by holding a news conference and declaring her resignation on a Friday, the day before the holiday when Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are off for the next week before the Holiday, so we could all remember the terrible bloodshed and the great sacrifices to attain the freedoms and liberties that our great Nation enjoys today… it is just sad that Mrs. Palin cannot enjoy those same freedoms and rights that are being denied by the Liberal Media and the Liberal Tubes!
The Liberal Tubes have blatantly attacked and smeared Mrs. Palin’s image for months, to the point of driving her nuts and homicidal her becoming incapable of functioning properly for her gubernatorial official duties. These baseless rumors have tarnished Mrs. Palin’s reputation and has caused mental and psychological harm on her family, specially on her child… mmm… what was his name again?… the retarded one… Trick?...
These Cyber bullies will pay dearly! Mrs. Palin has already hired an army of lawyers to monitor the Internetz and find anyone out there trying to harm her family. And she will be able to exercise an American tradition and a right that is dear to all Americans... she will sue them for all their values!!
Do not worry, these geeks wont be able to hide in their parent's basement forever! Go Maveratrix Go! Sue The Series of Tubes!
These days the Liberal Tubes have become more dangerous and troublesome for Real Americans! Think about it, these Tubes are invading the daily lives of Real Americans and we get it gets a glimpse of their embarrassing moments, scandalous behavior, and lapse of judgment to have it plastered all over cyber-space in just seconds of their private lives that could ruin their image and career! The eyes of the Tubes are liberal eyes, hungry and waiting with their 'gotcha journalism' to humiliate Real Americans who won’t follow their liberal doctrines and views.
Nation, we are witnessing the rise of a hideous monster and the liberals cannot wait to use that monster against us. They have already corrupted our beloved institutions like religion with their liberal blasphemy! The growing threat from the Liberal Series of Tubes must be stopped! They are a threat to America and a threat to National Security! Otherwise elected official like Sarah Palin wont be able to sleep well ever again, as long as the piercing gaze of the Tubes keep stalking Real Americans like her... waiting for all of us to slip and make some embarrassing blunder for the enjoyment of the liberals…
I always said that nothing good has ever come from the Liberal Internetz, there is nothing but pr0n and liberal propaganda in those Tubes. Once we have exterminated the Wikinazis we should replace the Tubes' contents with Real American contents to keep our Nation pure and clean… well, I do agree that maybe NOT all of the Tubes’ ideas are bad…
[edit] Hillary Clinton Quits!
Inspired by The Greatest Maveratrix Ever, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton tenders her resignation.
CIRCLING THE SKIES ABOVE TONCONTIN INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, TEGUCIGALPA, HONDURAS, July 5, 2009-- Less than a week after receiving a slight twist to her right elbow, Hillary Clinton abandons her post as Obama's Ambassador of Shame in a tearful 90-minute, rambling screed that sounded more like the drunken pleas of a desperate stalker at sentencing than the dignified retirement announcement one would expect from one of Sarah Palin's protégées.
"I love you guys," Clinton sobbed over the roar of the jet engines, "I really mean it. We've been through so much together ... I hope we keep in touch. Remember the time we were at the thing and that one guy did that thing and Billy took him out back andmade him go away? ..."
Aides were able to help Mrs. Clinton to her luxury suite aboard Air Force One, which she borrows all the time, before she could finish that thought just as the satellite phone went down.
An unnamed spokesman released a brief statement:
- "Mrs. Clinton would like everyone to know that she is not quitting for herself, but for America and anyone who questions her will be sued. That is all."
###
[edit] North Korea Acting Up! This is a Red Threat!
Dear God, not only does it taste awful, we couldn’t even come up with a better bottle design???
...Is that a plastic bottle???…
I just wanted to make a personal note… as you know my family is from South Korea, and everytime North Korea acts up while the world watches, I just want to slam my face on the desk… well… North Korea is doing it again and this time they have brought great shame to South Korea!!
Today I learned that North Korea has launched more missiles that could strike the US! unveiled a new brand of Beer!!! AND IT IS SUPERIOR THAN OURS! WHAT THE HELL!? SINCE WHEN NORTH KOREA MAKES BEER???? WORST, EVEN BETTER TASTING BEER!!
Nation, you probably don’t know this, but if there is one thing that South Korea has not been able to master from our Western Masters Friends is beer… South Korean beer tastes like piss and sweat, you would rather drink raw sewage than drink a South Korean beer! Meanwhile the new North Korean beer tastes better, smoother, tastier, and richer... in other words a poor commie North Korea bested capitalist technologically democratic superior South Korea!!
How the hell was a commie country able to surpass South Korea on this??? And North Korea none the lest! How the hell was North Korea able to learn how to brew beer??? (Damn those tea-sucking British!! Damn them and their Britishness!) And with what??? North Korea hardly has enough rice or grain to make beer, let alone feed anyone (except The Glorious Leader and his loyal followers) Kim Jong-il this time is personal!!
Oh, yeah. Obama is a pussy for not stopping North Korea from making a Superior Beer than my people! Shame on you Obama!
(and who the hell does a 2:25s beer commercial? N. Korea has a lot to learn from the West…) |
[edit] Emergency Update: Sarah Palin asks for donations!
Liberal Media continues to bully her!
The United States of Sarah Palin. July 3, 2009 - As you probably heard The Greatest Maveratrix Ever of Alaska, Sarah Palin, has resigned her governorship for "personal reasons". But what you probably haven't heard is that she still needs donations for her legal fees so she can continue to fight off the so called "Ethics complains" from the liberal polar bears... lies! Slanders!
Which is why we the people of Wikiality.com is asking for your donations... oh, and if you heard some nasty rumors like Embezzlement, Wasilla Sport Complex, Mansion, Ted Stevens, Cabin-to-Nowhere... keep in mind those are just rumors... oh, yeah please transfer your donations and funds to one of the Caiman Islands or some country where there is no extradition
[edit] EMERGENCY NEWS!!! THE GREATEST MAVERATRIX EVER RESIGNS AS GOVERNOR OF ALASKA!!!!
GOP in disarray
The United Queendom of Alaska. July 3, 2009 - This is an emergency people!! The Greatest Maveratrix Ever Sarah Palin is resigning from politics… forever!!! This is serious news, no other news matters today!! THIS NEWS IS PRIORITY!
Wikiality.com is confused as to why The Greatest Maveratrix Ever would resign in the middle of her official duties, which is political suicide!… unless… The Liberal Media is forcing her!!! Maybe sinister forces are at work here! Worst, maybe Obama has some dirt on her like:
- She is being black mailed and is forced to resign
- None of her kids are hers
- Sex tape scandal
- Todd is having an affair…
…with a bear…
…with a man…
…with a wolf…
- Sarah Palin is having an affair…
…with another man…
…with another woman…
…with a Polar Bear…
…with Mark Sanford (the odds for his one is a 100%)…
UPDATE!!!: Nation, we just discovered a very horrific information as to why she is resigning… is so horrible… is such a shocking dark secret that it could destroy the GOP! You see…
WE HAD BEEN CONTACED BY THE GOP, RNC, AND RUSH LIMBAUGH TO CEASE ALL TRANSMITIONS UNTIL THE PROBLEM IS RECTIFIED.
WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE
[edit] Boring News: Nothing to See…
Please ignore the two ducks in the background “getting it on” |
nothing to see, moving on…
The United States of Sarah Palin. July 3, 2009 - I am sure you heard the surprising news that Sarah Palin is calling it quits, but I can assure you there is nothing nefarious about it. Besides, she is a Maverick and this is a Very Maverick move… a badass one I may say! And announcing it the day before the Fourth of July? She is a real Patriot!
The truth is that she is a little bit exhausted because of the pressures of the gubernatorial office, liberal lies and smear, the email scandals, her staff’s ineptitude, and few other details we don’t need to talk about “unforeseeable” recent events, so she needs to save her energy so she can be crowned Queen of Alaska when the state secedes for the Presidential 2012 elections, that’s a big responsibility! Support for her is strong as ever, Real Americans cant wait to elect her soon!
Now the Bear-loving liberals will tell you this is political suicide and unconventional, nonsense! Sarah Palin has no time to waste in such small roles like governorship, because she is going to be our President soon! Sarah Palin needs to focus her career for the future of America and deviate all of her energies and resources when she becomes our president (which will be soon!).
Besides, she also wants to spend more time with her family… just like any Real American women should. I even heard that Palin is going hiking the Appalachian Trail next day to unwind from the stress of the gubernatorial office… maybe even get a Baked Alaska… sounds good… Rest well Maveratrix, Alaska is loosing a good governess…
- UPDATE: Nation, we were told as soon as news of Sarah Palin's resignation reached all of Alaska, a mysterious object was seeing flying across the sky... we suspect it was some form of UFO... damn aliens...
- UPDATE 2: Nation, I had been hearing some nasty rumors as to the Real Reason Sarah Palin is resigning, as Wikiality.com disclosed before, there is definitely nothing nefarious about it... yet the blogosphere seems to be on fire with these wild theories... why dont you liburals get a life?
[edit] Wonderful News! GOP Unveils Plans for Military Coup! to Retake America!
GOP: Is for the good of Democracy!
The Terrorist States of America. July 2, 2009 - As you probably learned yesterday, America was at the brink of destruction… but there is still hope!
Sources tell us that Glenn Beck is in contact with a "friend" that could help us restore democracy in America. And their plan is amassing… of course there is going to be some bloodshed sacrifices, but don’t worry the GOP agrees that it is a sacrifice that we can endure. After all they approve Military Coups to protect democracy! Patriotic Acts to save America!
The support to retake and save America grows stronger each day. We wont allow any more socialist policies that weakens the fabric America to be allowed in this country.
- “If we don’t do something soon, we will become Canada!” declared a Real American. He is right, we have evidence that we are becoming Canada, do you want that???
No, America doesn’t want that… our freedoms and liberties had been stolen… stolen by foreign interests that wants the destruction of America… but don’t worry, we will launch a surprise attack against England the foreigners and take it back! We cannot fail! After all, none of our plans can possibly go wrong!
Don’t let the Liberal Media silence your voices! Specially that Joo! Keep the voices for America strong!
Oh, yeah. We would like to congratulate State Rep. Cynthia Davis for her long fight against children Welfare Queens. We the people of Wikiality.com salutes you. And if you are interested in contacting Cynthia Davis to congratulate her on her long fight against poverty, here is her contact info:
Representative: Cynthia Davis, 19th District
Majority Floor Whip
- Missouri State Capitol Room 113
- 201 W. Capitol Ave.
- Jefferson City, MO 65101
- Phone: 573-751-9768
- Website: http://www.cynthiadavis.net/
- E-Mail cynthia.davis@house.mo.gov
[edit] Obama Now Emperor Mooslim Tyrant
Obama has total control of Congress
The Mooslim Empire of Obama. July 1, 2009 - We live in scary times… scary times! As you probably know by now, the mooslim tyrant has taken control of Congress now that he has 60 Seats on his hand. News of the take over has brought fear and torment to all Americans. Now that Obama has enough devil-democrats on his hand, he can implement all the socialist policies that he wants… he is unstoppable! One can only imagine what kind of Horrors will the Obama Administration will implement to punish Real America!
News that Obama is now The Gay Mooslim Emperor of America has encouraged and emboldened our enemies and Bears to invade America. There is already news that Pirates have already taken over Canada and as soon as they are finished we are next!
- “We are doomed! Doomed I tell you!! The Gay Army is now unstoppable!! The liberals are dancing on the streets, and our children will be brainwashed with liberal lies!!! It will be a Dark New age forGay America!” screamed a
hystericalRepublican Senator at the top of his rooftop.
- “I foresee a Dark Future for America!!! Men will be gay marrying men. Women will stop being mothers and wives and lesbian marry other women! Heterosexual Marriage will become illegal and cease to exist! Then America will descend into a horrible Civil War, further eroding our financial institutions and bringing a new era of Economic Depression!!!”
- “Taxes!! I foresee an age of high taxation to all Americans and monetary losses! Real Americans will be interned in concentration camps for being “Conservatives”. Obama will start WWIII with Iran and the joos will abandon us! WAR!!! MORE WAR AND BLOOD!!! Is the end of the World!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!” declared the man
before he jumped to his death.
Nation… indeed these are Dark Times, but Wikiality.com has not lost hope yet, we know for a fact that the GOP has a secret plan to win the war… and it has proven to be effective… I mean… what’s the worst that could happen?
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