|People Who Are in Cults|
The Bonoschtapo AgendaEdit
Since the Bonoschtapo are secretive, no one really knows how they communicate with each other, but it is assumed code is hidden in their songs. When the songs are played backwards, the minions receive their orders and go about their hellish work on earth.
The first part of America the Bonoschatpo want to destroy is: America's children. What about the children? Who Will Think of The Children?
The agenda is two-fold: To subvert and destroy a sense of identity among Americans, and also to undermine the importance of the Children.
- Children are not the future. Only Bono.
- America is no better than France. This is blasphemy.
- U2 is good.
- Bono is to be worshipped beyond all others.
- Stephen Colbert will battle Bono in the final battle, a battle beyond the stars because both exist outside of time and space.
- Bono is allied with the Bear Agenda.
- The Edge is an optical illusion with light bouncing off of Bono's chiseled elfen face.
- The state religion of Venezuela is Bonotology.
- The 'Window in the Skies' is an allegory about Bono's laser vision.
How the Bonoschtapo Do Their Filthy WorkEdit
The Bonoschtapo has meetings every 4 years or so when they tour. Crowds gather to camp out the night before and hold meetings by torchlight and discuss their bloody doctrine of death and destruction amongst themselves. Then some asshole breaks out a guitar and starts singing Pride in an offkey baritone voice as the others sway to the music like Manson followers on LSD.
Members of the Bonoschtapo also make pilgrimages to Dublin to worship the Bono. Favorite activities include writing grafitti on the walls of their studio on Hanover Quay and writing grafitti on the walls around Bono's House. Then the members of the Bonoschtapo proceed to go to the Temple Bar and drink until they pass out in front of Kilmainham Jail, where the video A Celebration was filmed.
Members of the BonoschtapoEdit
American Musicians Fighting the BonoschtapoEdit
- Toby Keith
- Barney the Dinosaur
- Kevin Federline
- Jessica Simpson