Blessed Virgin Mary
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Added by Weston Esterhazy
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Politics
Edit
Mary is a Republican, but she prefers to leave politics to men, since things like economics and foreign relations are beyond her. Mary is against abortion, stem cell research, gay marriage and women in the workplace. Though Mary is a Republican, she did endorse Joe Lieberman because "he's such a good boy, what a mensch!"
Added by Weston Esterhazy
FactoidsEdit
- Mary was a stay at home mom and breast fed Jesus (Liberal mothers do not breast feed, they use a bottle and then leave their kids in day care while they go off to their jobs, all of which helps destroy Americas family values)
- Mary was married to Joseph, a carpenter who drank mead and watched chariot races, both of which were precursors to Budweiser and Nascar
- Mary was a virgin all her life, she never had sex with Joseph, The Blue Balled Carpenter.
- Mary, being a Jewish Mother, was always getting on Jesus's case about how he should be a doctor or lawyer
- Mary would often have brunch with her sister, the mother of John the Baptist, and after a few glasses of wine each, trade backhanded insults over about who was going to be more successful
- Mary wanted to name Jesus a strong Jewish name like Abraham or Ezekiel, but God said no as he didn't want people to be confused when they read the soon to be released "New Testament" as they were character names used in his previous works
- Mary is the only woman to have been born without sin (Eve doesn't count, she wasn't born but made from a man's rib and do you ever hear women thanking men for their existence? Nope. All we get from them is the introduction of sin and our consequent expulsion from the Garden of Eden)
Places Mary has been seen cryingEdit
- At Ronald Reagans funeral
- Outside of voting booths whenever someone votes Democrat
- Outside synagogues because the people inside don't worship her son
- At every screening of the Passion of the Christ
- Whenever she hears of bear attacks
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Images of the Blessed Virgin Mary Edit
Do you ever see Allah's momma holding him in gold? Nope.
Oy Vey! You're too thin! Mary wants you to eat up, and why don't you call your mother more often? Just pick up the phone, is that so much to ask?
The Blessed Virgin appeared on this guys arm. Either that or Victor was a Mary (See: Feynglish).
Mary and Jesus have absolutely NO relation to Horus and Hathor. None whatsoever. None. Christianity is totally original and is the ONE TRUE FAITH!