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Blackwater Security Consulting

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ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
Blackwater-rebranding
Blackwater wanted a more Consumer Friendly Image branding…
...they rejected my idea…
Xe?? Really???
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Blackwater Security Consulting[1] is an American corporation, as American as a corporation can get, almost as American as Halliburton.

The founder and CEO is Erik Prince. Bill Richardson actually started Blackwater with Mr. Prince under an assumed name.

May have been named after a Doobie Brothers song.

BlackwaterBoyStatue
Caption

Their NameEdit

Originally, they were named after a Doobie Brothers' song. Then, they decided to change it after someone told Erik what "doobie" meant. Erik chose the easier to spell and less narcotic Xe as "Blackwater's" replacement. After someone told him Xe was a really gay name, Erik changed the name again. This time he picked "Academi".

Please, no one tell him how elitist it sounds.

Plans Under A Democrat AdministrationEdit

Like that would ever happen, but seriously...

  • During her presidential campaign, Hillary Clinton cut a deal with them whereby they would enforce her edict when she declared Martial Law.

Members of the BoardEdit

ErikPrinceMoyockOffices07-21-2008
Prince welcomes visitors with a song and dance.
  • John Edwards has enjoyed a non-publicized position on their board of directors since mid-2005,
  • Joe Biden plans to pardon any and all Blackwater employees from any fines or prison sentences that may result from future investigations and indictments

Ethics Consultant to the Security Consultant Corporation For AmericaEdit

America's favorite Attorney General, John Ashcroft has been selected in the first round of the ethics draft by Team Blackwater.

It's a natural fit. Or an intelligently designed fit. Whatever.

Liberals Hate CapitalismEdit

Mercenarycontractors
Join now and you get a free gun!
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BlackwaterNajaf2004Roof1
Blackwater contractors ready to pump Iraqis full of lead liberation!

Apparently some liberal hippies are attacking Blackwater's way of life. A bunch of liberals made some outragious claims against Blackwater's rights to make a profit as outlined somewhere in the Constitution.

Other liberals claimed Blackwater did something bad in Iraq. The Blackwater guards were in fact protecting George W. Bush in one of his visits to Iraq and exterminating all the terrorists in the town.

If you are ever called to serve on a jury in the Blackwater trial, there are three important things to remember:

  • it's not wrong to make a profit
  • insurgents kill Americans
  • liberals hate freedom

Successes in IraqEdit

Rebranded Departments, EnterprisesEdit

  • U.S. Training Center, Inc.

External TubesEdit

NotesEdit

  1. In the process of changing their name to Xe[1], correction, make that Academi[2]
CorporateFlag
MarchingWorkers
Blackwater Security Consulting
has been granted full United States "citizenship"
for their donation to Republican causes.
America thanks you, Blackwater Security Consulting
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