Beer
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Beer. ie. God's Sweet Nectar, Blessed Drink, Perfect Satisfaction, Bread, and the Truthy Juice!
Made from a simple mixture of Hops, Grain, Yeast, Colbert Urine and Water it is a magic drink that makes you smarter, stronger, and more sexy.
Beer was invented by medieval Christian monks who were doing God's work and improving the world. However misinformed preachers, such as Billy Sunday, claimed beer was demonic, fostering the temperance movement. This lead to the Eighteenth Amendment, one of Americas worst mistakes. Of course God saw this mistake and he fixed it with the Twenty-first Amendment.
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[edit] Mainstream Domestics
In general, mainstream domestic beer is bad. Very bad. It is like screwing in a canoe - F'ing close to water. For a better beer, try microbrewed, craft beer. It's like screwing, period.
[edit] Good Domestics
- Budweiser - The real American beer. (Note: Now owned by Belgian beverage company InBev).
- Bud Light with Lime - The real American beer...with lime! (Note: Now owned by Belgian beverage company InBev).
- Molson (Canadian)
- Colt 45
- Bell's Beer from Michigan (Beers of note: Oberon, Two-Hearted, Winter White)
- Samuel Adams named after an American Hero 'nuff said.
- Anything made by Pyramid brewing company.
- Anything made by Anchor brewing company.
- Any beer brewed exclusively in Texas.
- Duff Beer.
- Alamo Beer
[edit] Bad Domestics
Bad Domestic Beer is UnAmerican.
For a bad Domestic beer try:
- Milwaukeeanians also prefer a particularly vile brand of beer such as: Milwaukee's Best & the ever famous detested Miller Chill.
- Any Beer that begins with the word Natural, Beer is made by man and is, therefore, not Natural. Never drink a beer that lies on its can!
- Any Beer that ends in the word light. Americans like Beer like we like cars, heavy and powerful enough for us to go any where and do anything.
[edit] Microbrews
[edit] Imports
Warning the consumption of an imported beer may be tantamount to providing aid and comfort to the enemy. It is STRONGLY recomended that any American should consume only American Beer. However, if you have the balls, and feel the experience may be worth the risk, here are a few Imported Beers that, under the proper conditions, may still be American to drink.
Good Imports
- Heineken - Dutch, in WWII they picked the right side.
- Bass Ale - If the British drink it and its not Tea, it must be special.
- Guinness - If the Irish drink it and its not Whisky, it must be special.
The following Imports should be avoided by Americans at almost all costs!
Evil Imports
- Any beer with a name you cannot easily read and pronounce.
- communist beer, beer from russia, china, p.d.r.n.k. (real countries get their names capitalized.)
- Anything from that one country. <- only the dixie chicks should have to see the name.
- Bin Laden's Blue Ribbon Ale (at right).
- Foreign beers take the jobs of Real American beers!
[edit] All You Need To Know
[edit] Religion
Some now left-wing religions we used to trust claim beer can cause liver damage, brain damage, car accidents, Fox News Reports, babies, and birth defects in babies.
A liberal Jew-Bag (copyrighted for Stephen as an early/late Christmas present) would claim beer is a disgrace to mankind, and would please ask for the excessive consumage to halt because overall it causes almost half the murders, but half means that we're doing a half ass job on murders, therefore, we're 2 times better than the Democrat asses.
[edit] What Have We Learned?
Some liberals would report that beer affects the brain, but we drink massive consumptions every year, and we are brilliant enough to stick with Fox.
