Body Parts Series
Americans have bigger ones than everybody else (i.e. Stephen Colbert, Floyd Landis, Dick Cheney.) Mexicans agree. They call balls "cajones" (pronounced "coe-jones"). As in, "Los gringos tienen cajones muy grande."
The balls, or testicles, are the bodily organ in charge of a man's ability to stand up for what he believes in, and a man's ability to take risks. The balls are located just below the gut. When someone knows something in their gut strong enough, the balls influence them to stand up for it. This is called the Correlated Property of Truthiness. Also, the size of the balls has a strong affect on the effectiveness of the organ. This is why Stephen Colbert's balls are the largest on Earth. It has recently been rediscovered by Dr. Colbert that some ladies also posess ball like organs, which he called Thatchers. Thatchers are not fully equivalant to those of an American man, but do allow some women a degree of ballasity.
Balls As A DelicacyEdit
- Upon visiting a restaurant in or near the Denver, Colorado area, out-of-state visitors are repeadedly prompted to "try the Rocky Mountain Oysters!" This is in fact an earnest plea for one's health. Denver's high altitude, combined with the legalization of pot and crimes of revenge, makes it one of the least safe states in the union. The perscription? Rocky Mountain Oysters. What are they? Glad one asked; cow balls, that's right, the balls of a cow. One can be assured it's not as ridiculous as it sounds. Eating cow balls gives one super-strength and the momentary ability of flight, and well as the 6 lungs of a cow, useful for breathing the thin mountain air. Rocky Mountain Oysters are the most crumbelieveable of all foods west of the Mighty Mississipi, with the savory, juicey, utterly breath-taking balls of a wolverine served in many reputable establishments in West Virginia being the only other food with comparable crumbelieveablilty.
Other Famous People and Their BallsEdit
- Lance Armstrong - had one of his balls removed due to nut cancer, but still had one more than all the people in France combined.
- Margaret Thatcher - the first woman known to posess Thatchers.
Stephen's Balls Compared with Other'sEdit
Stephens balls would be like Jupiter, with each having eight sub-balls orbiting like moons (and one of those sub-balls has its own sub-sub-ball trapped in its gravitational well). Liberals balls, on the other hand would be like Pluto, which might not even be considered a ball anymore.