Anderson Cooper

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Anderson Cooper
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process

HIDE THE WATERMELONS!!!
Anderson Cooper
IS ONE HORNY BASTARD.

Anderson Cooper (face Silver Surfer of cable news) seen here reporting on important issues for Planet America with his usual liberal bias.

Anderson Cooper is best known as the host of the wildly popular ABC reality show "face Mole". He now serves as face host of Anderson Cooper 360 on CNN. Anderson is a well known teabagging enthusiast. Cooper was almost decapitated by a flying Ramada hotel sign in 2005, while covering Hurricane Dennis in Florida. Although it is still unconfirmed, several eye-witness reports say that face sign was knocked over not by the wind, but instead by a drunken Geraldo Rivera, who was covering face hurricane for Fox News.

Andy, also known as Coop, is a total professional. Whenever broached on the topic of his sexuality, he says that it is something that must be kept private because he wants to report his story without being in the story. Therefore, he never discusses anything of a personal nature about himself. Except that his mother was artist-jeans and jewelry designer Gloria Vanderbilt. And that she was what an old-fashioned person might call a floozy. Uh, and about his relationship with his father, the late artist Wyatt Cooper. Oh, and about the suicide of his brother. And one more thing, that having grey hair at a young age is tantamount to "premature ejaculation." But aside from those, he never discusses himself; it's strictly business, business, business.

And of course, no crisis is fully exploited until Geraldo weighs in! Where's face flying aluminum debris when you need it?

~ Jon Stewart

Anderson with his mother, Gloria Vanderbilt.
Yes, that Gloria Vanderbilt. Anderson is on the left.

[edit] Planet in Peril

On October 18, 2007 he appeared on The Colbert Report to talk about his CNN special Planet in Peril and receive his nailing.

[edit] Losing Species

Animals and planets

Tigers and lions

alligators and crocodiles

[edit] Solution

Andy staring at global warming with his steely blue eyes and healing the planet instantly.

[edit] Factoids

White hair caused by harrowing encounter with Irena Briganti.
Is the Paris Hilton of television news.
Uses the same tailor as Stephen.
Known as the "Regal Bird".
Taught Stephen to open his jacket dramatically.
Did you know that Fox News's American Hero, John Gibson, put Anderson Cooper in his place? He better not report on the "War in Iraq" and instead report on Anna Nicole Smith's death.
Wants to be Donna Brazile's boo
Stephen's secret boyfriend — sorry, Andy, but Stephen's only gay for pay