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Alpha Dog of the Week

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WonkyEarPub08
PuzzlePiece
Alpha Dog of the Week
is a featured segment of
the Greatest American Television Show--EVER!!!, The Colbert Report.
RRGhost1
"I'm the spooky ghost of the Alpha Dog. Get me behind thee, bitches."
~ Ronald Reagan's Ghost


ADOTW

The one and only, undefeated Alpha Dog of the Week Emeritus is America's Greatest Dead President, Ronald Reagan. However, from time to time, Stephen names a temporary Alpha Dog of the Week.

On the July 18, 2007 episode, Dr. Colbert revealed the name of the Alpha Dog mascot, "Growlie"Episode #284. On September 24, 2007,Episode #312 Dr. Colbert called the mascot "Gipper".

Alpha DogsEdit

Tom SelleckEdit

named for the Week of September 28, 2006

Selleck's unquestioning support of America's gun rights should make him NRA President

Boltondog

Are you gonna bark all day little doggie? Or are you gonna bite?

John Bolton "The Schnauzer"Edit

named for the Week of December 9, 2006

His "colleagues" at the UN used the following to described his "management style":
1. "abrasive and not very helpful to amenable consensus"
2. "no comment"
His only possible replacement would be a bulldozer
StephenRajasthani

When passing through a herd of 400 camels, always wear a Rajasthani turban.

Amitabh BachchanEdit

named for the Week of February 12, 2007

Survived a hoof to the head from a dromedary

Robert HancockEdit

named for the Week of March 25, 2007

Hancock, a resident of Carterville, Illinois was charged more than $525 on his electric bill, more than triple the amount it was last year. Hancock mailed 52,500 loose pennies as payment.



Toby, the Golden RetrieverEdit

named for the Week of April 1, 2007

Toby performed the Heimlich Manuever on his owner by jumping repeatedly on her chest, saving her life.

Paul WolfowitzEdit

named for the Week of April 21, 2007

Paul fought corruption with corruption, granting his girlfriend a huge, tax-free pay raise.

Uncle BenEdit

named for the Week of April 29, 2007

Ben broke through the Jemima ceiling and is now the chairman of the company that for 61 years has borne both his name and likeness.

Michael WileyEdit

named for the Week of May 14, 2007

Michael is a handi-capable triple amputee (no arms) who overcame the stereotype that all handicapped people are sweet and harmless. He led police on an 8 minute car chase in Florida while driving (and shifting) with his large pair of balls. He has also stolen a car, kicked a state trooper, and attacked his wife headfirst.

Robert BorkEdit

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named for the Week of June 24, 2007

Judge Bork recently sued the Yale Club of New York City for one million dollars in damages despite his career efforts at instigating tort reform to counter the threat of personal injury lawsuits.

Fred ThompsonEdit

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named for the Week of July 1, 2007

This majestic hunk of possible Presidential man-meat scored multiple ex-girlfriend-in-heat endorsements, besting his closest rival Rudy Giuliani in this coveted Alpha doggy-style category.

David BeckhamEdit

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named for the Week of July 18, 2007

This British-soccer transplant brought his own set of enormous Alpha-sized man-crumpets when he showed up for the first practice with his American team to stretch and sit.

Percy HonniballsEdit

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named for the Week of September 24, 2007

Honniballs worked as a contractor and was discovered working in the nude by a home owner.

The Greatest President EverEdit

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named for the Week of October 3, 2007

for leading the world with a bold commitment to finalize a goal for future possible action to solve global warming

Anonymous Tennessee 911 OperatorEdit

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named for the Week of May 5, 2008

for falling asleep during an emergency call (his snoring was heard on the recording)

President BushEdit

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named for the Week of July 16, 2008

for saying "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter" as he left a G-8 Summit meeting in Japan.

Bill BennettEdit

EmmyAwardWinningTCR2

named for the Week of September 24, 2008

for going on the Today show to dismiss the opinion of intellectuals!

Mark CiptakEdit

EmmyAwardWinningTCR2

named for the Week of October 27, 2008

for naming his child "Sarah McCain Palin Ciptak" without telling his wife and after they agreed on another name, "Mary Grace"[1]

Erik SlyeEdit

EmmyAwardWinningTCR2

named for the Week of May 12, 2009

for finding a "creative way" to get out of jury duty[2]

Silvio BerlusconiEdit

EmmyAwardWinningTCR2

named for the Week of June 17, 2009

for demanding his wife apologize for him having an affair with an 18-year-old

George RekersEdit

named for the Week of May 2, 2010

Steven SlaterEdit

named for the Week of August, 2010

For refusing to stow his sack in the overhead compartment when a flight passenger called him a motherfucker. Then grabbing a beer, left on the emergency slide, and went home to commit sexual relations

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