Alabama
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Ah, sweet home Alabama all summer long 
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|---|---|
| Capitol: | Sweet Home |
| State Flower: | Camelli |
| Official Language: | Redneck |
| State Bird: | Yellowhammer |
| State Motto: | "We will defend the 2nd Amendment even though you won't." |
| Nickname: | The Home of NASCAR |
| Governor: | Nick Saban |
| State Anthem: | "Sweet Home Alabama" |
| Population: | Just enough. |
| Standard MPH: | See Dukes of Hazzard |
| Principal imports: | Americans |
| Principal exports: | Confederates, racists, crappy Reese Witherspoon movies |
| Principal industries: | Hyundais, NASA, import/exports. |
| Fun Fact # 1: | George Wallace ruled a corrupt segregated Alabama as a Democrat, only to rule many years later with equality as a Republican. |
| Fun Fact # 2: | "Sweet Home Alabama" has remained on the radio top 10 chart since its introduction, clearly as it is one of the top American songs out there |
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Discovery
Edit
Alabama was discovered in 1504 by a group of sea-traveling Democrats including FDR and Ted Kennedy, only to colonize the territory in the name of slavery. Mobile remained the only area untouched by slavery, as its Republican-dominated economy focused on Caucasian industries such as port development and building RSA towers. Elsewhere in the North, slavery ran rampant until Abe Lincoln kicked some racist ass.
HistoryEdit
Soon after its Discovery, Alabama raced into becoming a cotton powerhouse. In the 1700s Mardi Gras commenced for the first time in coastal Mobile - later to have the tradition stolen by Ray Nagin and the credit given then on to New Orleans. In the 1960s George Wallace ruled Alabama under a tight fist. As a Democrat, measures were pursued segregating blacks and whites. Trent Lott loved those days. George Wallace would rule once again in the 1980s, this time as an enlightened Republican that loves equality. In turn, Alabama taught America one thing: Democrats are evil.
SlaveryEdit
Evil Democrats imported illegals from Africa. The illegals were hired as guest workers and janitors and some were slaves. African rapists came to America and bred mulatos. Mulatos are illegal in Alabama. Niggers like Obama kept real Americans as slaves and tried to steal their money.
Achieving StatehoodEdit
Although misinterpreted as a Democratic state, Alabama started Republican. Composed of simple small-town farmers and farm hands, Alabama began as a territory of agricultural means. In 1819 a then childlike Abe Lincoln declared Alabama a state in honor of its rural American charm, and ordered a play be written discussing the countryside atmosphere. The play was written, though due to alcoholic influences ended up as "Our Town" based in New Hampshire. In 1861 Alabama was rifted in the Civil War. The first Stephen Colbert Museum and Gift Shop was destroyed by Democrat Confederate fire, only to be rebuilt in 1866 and destroyed by Japs in 1941 - the worst attack ever to occur on American soil. Since, Alabama has maintained an array of attractions, including NASCAR, collegiate football, and Moon Pies.
Alabama TodayEdit
Today, Alabama is America's greatest state. Not only is it home to a booming auto economy, but booming tourism, port, and collegiate markets as well. Alabama is also home to Dr. James Andrews. Dr. Andrews is the physician that any professional athlete with a decent agent will see when they're injured. Even though almost any Yankee caught driving into Alabama is never seen driving out of the state, Alabama is still loved by Americans nationwide.
Alabama LandmarksEdit
- The Stephen Colbert Museum and Gift Shop, The most famous Landmark in Alabama.
- Helen Keller has a museum nearby, but it's not really as cool.
- The Talladega Guggenheim Museum
Cities In AlabamaEdit
Bear Spottings Edit
Many Bears secretly stalk the dense forests, attacking campers and overrunning hunters in the dark of night. Bears are spotted nearby Mount Cheaha and throughout the Choccolocco Mountains where naked Hippies lurk. If you run into any bears or a bunch of naked Hippies offer you any stange substances, use caution. Find some nearby mountain folk, and ask for assistance. The mountain folk will form a mob and beat them as soon as possible.
Famous AlabamiansEdit
- Lynyrd Skynyrd the most famous Alabamian
- Troy King, superstraight Attorney General, if you here anything different, it ain't true!
- Dr. James Andrews
- Rick and Bubba, a pair of great American radio show hosts
- Helen Keller - Trotskyist, deaf/blind girl
- George Washington Carver, invented Peanut Butter
- Paul Bear Killer Bryant, famouse bear killer and college football coach
- Hank Aaron, every baseball stadium in Alabama and Georgia is named after him
- Jesse Owens, a very fast runner
- Joe Lewis
- Bo Jackson
- Alabama Man, guest star on South Park. He is renowned for his love of beer and bowling and his hatred for his woman's backtalk.
A Typical Day in AlabamaEdit
| Caption |
- Awake at 5am to go to work so the millions of unemployed nation wide can eat tomorrow.
- Turn on the news only to see the main stream media berate and belittle your home state.
- Eat a meal of Grits and eggs for breakfast.
- Put on anything that will not suffocate your body once the humidity rises to 110%
- Listen to Rick & Bubba.
- Drive to work, remember, welfare bums depend on you.
- When the Sun sets, go out and sing "One day at a time."
