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Acts of God

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Acts Of God are events that are created by God in response to his disapproval of the sinful behavior of the Immoral Minority, weed out the unfaithful, or to test his children. Atheists co-opted the phrase "Act of God" in 1912 with to disparage God's infinite wisdom, while at the same time ignoring the good God does i.e. rainbows, crop growth.




Famous And Possible Acts of God Edit

It is no coincidence that many of the natural disasters cited above have occurred in the Godless State of California (and for good reason). But disasters have happened all over the world throughout history, listed below are some of the more notable.

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The Great Flood (Prehistory-1000000 BC)Edit

Everyone knows this story. God was mad at all the humans on earth for immoral behavior (like spying on their sisters while she showered). So God make Noah build a boat, and filled and had him fill it with 2 of many animal (not every animal, natural selection causes adaptation and species change God is that smart). The animals and Noah stayed on the boat for a period of days and nights (the hebrews language uses 40 as a long period of time )and didn't eat each other. Then the waters receded and all the animals left the boat, and Noah and his family single-handedly repopulated the earth.

Destruction of Sodom & Gomorrah (1953 BC)Edit

See main article: Sodom and Gomorrah.

Sodom & Gomorrah were cities filled with the most sinful and wicked peoples. God was so angry with these literal Sodomites, he rained fire from the sky burning both the city and all its inhabitants. God's destruction of these cities was so complete that the ruins were not discovered until 1975! And the word is that the place still reeks of sulfur.

Pompeii the last day

How stupid would you have to be to not run if you saw this? Just ask a Pompeiian...

The Destruction of Pompeii (79 AD)Edit

Pompeii is an example of how God tests his creation to see if they are too stupid see obvious danger approaching. In this case he erupted a volcano near the city of Pompeii. In doing so discovered that these group of Romans were too stupid to 1) not build a city under an active volcano; 2) not run away after the thing started to erupt. Instead the Pompeiites watched as the hot lava and ash slowly crept toward and eventually buried them all.

The Black Death (1347 AD)Edit

See main article: The Black Death.

The Black Death was a Change of the Europeans. One could say it was basically the 14th Century version of The AIDS. This disease started in the china and spread throughout Europe infecting millions and killing almost 70% of the old continent's Population.

Peshtigo Fire (1871 AD)Edit

The Great Peshtigo Fire was invariably caused when a horse kicked over a kerosene lantern and thus starting the largest forest fire of all time. This fire burned some much area, that it eventually spread all the way to Chicago, causing the Great Chicago Fire. Whether by GKM, lightning, or by some other occurrence, It is no surprise that it did happen because 97% of Wisconsin is covered with trees to begin with (the other 3%,Colby cheese). It was just a matter of time.

San Francisco Earthquake (1906 AD)Edit

The Great San Francisco Earthquake  (Do you think it was any coincidence the quake originated from the San Andreas fault line?)

DramaticQuestionMark Did you know...

that God revealed his desire for an earthquake a few days beforehand to a group of close-but-not-quite Christians?[1]

The Greatest Depression (1929-1939 AD)Edit

Greatest Depression War Pills

This anti-depressant will cure any economic blues.

See main articles: The Greatest Depression, The 1929 Stock Market Crash.

The Greatest Depression was an abnormal fluctuation in the invisible hand of the free market. This "invisible hand" which only God controls decided that we had become too pacifistic. After trying to solve the momentary crisis with unsuccessful socialist programs, America soon discovered what would be the key that has made Her economy so great for last 70 years. WAR! The Greatest Depression was only cured by the Greatest War of all time. America has kept this valuable lesson in mind ever since (except for the time after we left Vietnam and consequentially entered a state of hyperinflation).

Hurricane Katrina (2005 AD)Edit

See main article: Hurricane Katrina.

Hurricane Katrina. Unfortunately this storm inflicted a great amount of suffering onto many Americans, even those thousands of miles away from ground zero. Even more disheartening is the fact that this great tragedy could have been minimalized by the swift action of the US government, particularly that of FEMA. It is too bad that agents from FEMA were unable to respond in a timely manner. Thus the result was that tens of oil refineries and derricks were unable to be saved, and is for this reason Hurricane Katrina was such a tragedy.

End of the World (Date and Time Unknown)Edit

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The End of The World will look something like this.

See main article: The End of the World

The End of the World could be considered to be the last and greatest Act of God. Although many have tried, none (that we know of...) of their predictions has come to true. Only God the Father knows for sure when it will occur.

What is know for sure is how it will happen. The end of the world begins with the Rapture, in which those who have accepted God as the one and only, accepted that Jesus is his son, and asked him (not a priest) for forgiveness of all transgressions will be called into Heaven-so it is most important that you are at all times somewhere where God can see you. Next many remaining will witness the coming of Jesus and his seven year war with the Anti-christ. Earth is then destroyed, and those not in heaven will be judged of whether or not to be sent to hell.


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Now and Forever, Amen.

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