AT&T

From Wikiality, the Truthiness Encyclopedia

AT&T
has been granted full United States "citizenship"
for their donation to Republican causes.
America thanks you, AT&T

AT&T is the T1000 of corporations.

It is either your phone company, cellular provider or cable TV provider, or soon will be. In most cases it is all three. Deal with it, hippies.

[edit] History

[edit] Partnership with NSA

A special billboard announcing the partnership. The billboard appeared for 2 hours in the wee small hours of the morning in the dead of winter smack dab in the middle of nowhere.

Being the humble Corporate citizen, the patriot actions of AT&T in its efforts in the War on Terror was initially downplayed, serving the NSA behind the scene without taking the well deserved credits. The marketing department, however, has other ideas and realize that it is a good PR to advertise the fact that AT&T now works in more places like the NSA headquarters. So, a new advertising campaign was launched via BLF to highlight that very fact. Letting the terrorists known that AT&T is a patriot corporation could only have the benefit of discouraging use of telecommunications technologies by terrorist. Regular law biding citizen could rejoice and take pride in the fact that their telecommunications provider is the choice brand of the NSA HQ.

[edit] New Features

Auto BCC'ing of your email to the NSA HQ - free of charge
Auto compilation of your call history - free of charge
Auto tracking of your global position via your cellphone throughout your day - free of charge

[edit] Battle Against The Internets

All You Need To Know...

July 26th, 2009. AT&T fired the first shot at the internet. Let's show them our firepower far outclasses theirs.

July 27th, 2009. After a brutal massacre AT&T ~~surrenders~~ calls for a cease fire and a truce for the good of America. AT&T is unwilling to involve innocent civilians and they are only thinking of the safety of ~~their stockholders and their portfolio~~ their wymin and children.

[edit] AT&T CEO Passes Away: Pedobear to Become The New CEO of AT&T

CEO Randall Stephenson passes away after an orgy night of cocaine and male strippers. According with sources Stephenson first slip into a coma after snorting too much cocaine and then his brain became a vegetable. The board of directors, to save face with their stockholders, voted to euthanize Randall Stephenson and then elect a new CEO ~~to appease the 4chan masses~~ to sail AT&T into a new direction.